Ineffable
by little furry cannibals
Summary: "If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.." Quil wadded up the ad. "Obviously, they don't know La Push," he told Bella. "Or the magic of werewolves. Can I interest you in a lime?" Crack-print ahead!
1. Voodoo Q

A/N: Beta'd by Jul5857. Story written by a request from RockSteady54. Pre-read by twimaggs and bragi151.

* * *

New Moonish…approximately sixteen seconds after Quil has phased for the first time.

"What the hell? What the hell? What the ever-loving fucking hell?" Quil yelped, spinning around madly in a circle. Not five minutes ago he had been standing outside, fighting with the water hose. No matter how hard he had tugged, twisted or wrapped the damn thing around, it wouldn't unkink. It was ludicrous; who the hell needed a water hose in La Push, Washington?

"Calm down Quil. It's okay," an inner voice soothed. A voice, Quil thought, sounding suspiciously like his ex-best friend, Jake.

Getting dizzy, Quil stopped twirling in circles to sit down. Sit being the key-word since apparently he was so high he thought he was a dog. "Jake….is that you?"

"Yes and Sam, Jared, Embry and Paul," Jake answered in defeat. He had hoped that at least one of his friends would survive this traumatic blessing unfurred.

"Why am I furry? Did I pass out again? I told you last time, it wasn't very nice of you guys to shave old man Patterson's poodle and then strip me naked and super glue…Man! Even my mom's Lady Bic and Nair couldn't remove that shit from me. I had extra hairy balls for a we-"

"Seriously, Quil, we didn't. You are not dreaming or hallucinating. You are in fact a real-life werewolf," Sam answered, struggling to regain control of the conversation; nobody needed to dwell on the mental images of Quil's discolored balls from too much Nair contact. Being slightly older than the rest of the pack, he was apparently the only wolf present who had missed the 'live' version of turning Quil into a female Bigfoot.

"No way!" Quil exclaimed in disbelief; the other wolves mistaking it for horror.

"Yeah, you are. But it's not that bad. After a few days, you'll be comfortable enough to-"

"This is great! Jake…Embry…this is better than the time we learned that you won't really go blind if you masturbate. Hey…can you masturbate as a wolf?" Spreading his front legs wide, Quil looked to search out his favorite toy. It was nowhere to be found.

"Oh my god! I'm neutered! Shit, what did I do to deserve this?" Tears threatened to well up in his eyes, as Quil searched the faces of his so-called wolf friends that had found him in the forest behind his house.

Paul's mind raced, formulating just how he could use Quil's blatant stupidity against him and bring forth the most of humiliating experiences to the public eye; a feat Quil never needed any type of help with. He could embarrass a room full of the most hardened of minds and corrupted of souls. With the exception of Quil, the entire pack blanched over the briefest of thoughts concerning the hamster incident.

Sam swore violently to himself, not wanting to believe the misfortune of having to explain Biology 101 to the newly phased seventeen year old. His mind drifted to Jake and Embry; Quil's two closest friends.

Jake was still in somewhat of a shocked stupor that his friend was actually excited about being a wolf and would be of no help for a few minutes.

Embry, who was normally thought-quiet, was reliving that day in high school Biology 101 where Quil had asked if there was a particular reason it was called 'semen'; was a woman's egg considered a 'life-boat'; and if men and women were so apparently different down there, why did science feel the need to label it a 'vas deferens'? Except Quil pronounced it 'vast difference'.

Jared took pity and stepped forth to explain Quil's missing penis.

-15 minutes later…

"No fucking way! So I have like an accordion penis?" Quil asked, once again bouncy and excited. Jared had no idea how to try explaining it. For the fourth time.

"Quil!" Paul snapped, wondering how fast Quil's head would regenerate if he squished it. It wasn't like he would suffer any brain damage; Quil was already dumb. "Your dick is like an accordion when you're human. Why is this so much more fucking fascinating as a wolf?"

"Are you daft? As a guy, I can still see it hanging in the breeze. As a wolf though...it's like a turtle. Well, more like a turtle, but you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"You know what, Quil?" Paul mentally snarled in his direction. "I do know. Just like you know how your dick resembles a slinky: Fun for boys, girls and pissed off werewolves who have no problem shredding the shit out of accordion dicks so their ass can get back the fuck home and stop sitting in the woods, listening to the newest member exclaim how great a retractable penis is!" With a swift surge, Paul launched himself at Quil, fully intent to make good on his threat.

"Paul," Sam calmly instructed, half numb from the turn of events. "I forbid you to remove any body parts from Quil. You two can either rough-house for the next eight hours while the rest of us go home and sleep or you can pull it together long enough for us to teach Quil the basics. The choice is yours."

Paul pulled away from Quil, spitting out fur. "You just better watch your ass, Ateara. I want to go back home and sleep; not sit in the forest all goddamn night while you ask where we bury our shit or who's responsible for bringing the Frisbee."

Still uncoordinated at wolf-like actions, Quil tried to lick the wound Paul had left on his ribs before answering. After toppling over from leaning too far forward, Quil just gave up. "Paul, if bears don't have to bury their shit, I'm pretty sure wolves wouldn't need to either. And it's not my ass I'm scared for, but my sausage."

Paul's renewed snarl and lunge caused Sam to sigh. Dismissing the rest of the pack, he sat down to wait while Paul finished his hazing of Quil.

* * *

A few weeks after he had phased, Quil felt even better about being a werewolf. He had learned that dogs can look up; pissing on an electric fence still wasn't advisable; and that while he could still pick up ticks while in wolf form, they exploded once he phased back. Next week, he planned on trying it with leeches, the water kind.

"So what's up with this imprinting business?" Grabbing a few hotdogs, Quil waited for one of his new-found brothers to answer. So far, being a wolf had been great, yet some of the others had inhibitions about a condition known as imprinting.

He could feel Sam's and Jared's thoughts about it while phased, but he wanted to know why some of the others felt it was evil. As far as he could tell, imprinting meant guaranteed sex 24/7 and he was willing to speed up the process to get to that level of being a superhero werewolf. Maybe then, tonight's bonfire wouldn't suck as bad as the rest had.

"No one really knows. It's just that when you look into the eyes of the girl you're meant to be with, you feel differently." Jake stopped, not wanting to discuss the imprint factor. He had been so sure Bella would finally be his. Instead, he was once again disappointed when the phenomena didn't occur.

With four hotdogs currently being eaten at once, Quil pushed two to each side of his mouth, resembling a vulgar walrus with wiener tusks, before asking, "Different, how?"

"I don't know, Quil, I haven't imprinted. Ask Sam or Jared, they'd know better than me."

"Don't sound like such a homo about it, Black. It's not like anyone gets to choose their imprint; obviously yours isn't meant to be a pale-faced corpse fucker."

"Shut the hell up, Paul! Bella's not like that!"

"She's not like imprint material either or else your ass would've bonded to her. You're a big-man on the rez now; can't you ask her to give you a hand job? Once you nut, I'm sure she'll be out of your system."

Jacob got up and left, not wanting to encourage Paul's behavior.

"Paul, I'll agree that Jake does spend a lot of time thinking about Bella, but you gotta admit, she's kinda hot!" Quil casually mentioned, thinking about Jake's dream girl and wondering if she thought a normal person's spunk tasted different than a vamp's and if actually tasted like nuts. Hopefully walnuts or pecans; peanut tasting just sounded nasty.

"Whatever, Ateara! Not you too? She's just some white girl Jake feels sorry for. If it wasn't for her, some of us wouldn't be watching old reruns of Lassie like it was a porno." Grinning wickedly, Paul waited for Quil to react about his failed attempts of 'connecting' to nature.

Quil just sighed, not understanding why Paul, of all people, would be opposed to finding other creative outlets. "It was one time, Paul, and I just wanted to make sure."

"You know, Quil," Embry piped up, wanting to help out his friend. "In the show, Lassie was actually a boy dog. Maybe that's why nothing happened?"

"Maybe," Quil agreed, reaching for some more hotdogs. "But maybe it's cause there aren't any hotdogs in that show. Does anyone else feel horny?"

Fully sated after consuming sixteen dogs, Quil reclined in the sand, watching the flickering flames from the bonfire. It was almost nine o'clock; Jake had gone to meet Bella and bring her back here for some Friday night fun. Quil figured once they arrived, he'd have more fun watching Lassie, maybe even give Blue's Clues a shot.

The roar of Bella's truck could soon be heard and it wasn't long before Quil began to make out the sounds of her clumsy footfalls as she struggled to walk the path from the parking lot to the beach, snickering with Paul and Embry as she muttered "ouch" in a somewhat repetitive pattern.

"You okay, Bells? I can carry you if you want," Jake offered helpfully, itching to find any reason to hold her.

"I'm okay," Bella answered quietly followed by"oomph" as she once again tripped over something on the cleared path.

Emerging on the beach, the couple strolled towards the campfire. Only one of them was strolling, the other walked/tripped/limped/repeated the distance. Bella kept her head down, wondering if maybe she didn't suffer from the early stages of multiple sclerosis or Parkinson's disease. She could feel Jake's friends staring and it complicated her coordination.

Bella did look up though, the gesture not fully registering with her. Her eyes made contact, but at such a speed her brain didn't fully process the action. It did with the wolves; creatures who had been designed to move at lightening speeds did not miss her glance, especially Quil.

The action of imprinting was profound. No longer thinking about how many hotdogs could he eat or what actually happened to his penis when he phased, Quil now thought about whether or not his imprint would like to be fed hotdogs and what her first words would be at seeing his penis. Along with some other crap about worldly love and making her blissfully happy outside of the sex; nothing too important.

She may have done well with weird, but a girl could only take so much. One of the guy's stare became overly apparent and made Bella feel like she was completely nude; a thought that if Quil knew anything about, he would have responded, opinions be damned!

Bella's mind formulated the reasoning behind such a look. Clearly, the man before her had a delicate nature and didn't know better. The more she thought about it, the more Bella decided that maybe Jake hadn't really wanted her to show up tonight. She was touched that he would do so much for his tribe while trying to remain her best friend as well and include her.

"Jake," Bella whispered urgently, slightly uncomfortable. "You didn't tell me you were hosting a 'special' bonfire. Is that someone's cousin?"

Jake was clueless. He forgot that she hadn't seen the guys since their phase and that they might look a little bit different to her. "What are you talking about? It's just the guys, Sam, Jared, Paul…" He trailed off, noticing that she was still stiff and uncharacteristically pointing to someone.

The wolf in question had soda stains on his shorts, sand in his hair and ketchup and mustard caked around his wide, gaping mouth. It took Jake less time to blink than it did for him to realize the look: Quil had imprinted on Bella.

Jake was a fast thinker, smooth talker and never admitted defeat. He wasn't about to throw Quil a bone in the form of Bella.

"My mistake, Bells. That's Qwar, Quil's alter-ego. He's not safe at all. We need to go." Swooping up a startled imprint, Jake took off at a dead run before Quil/Qwar could regain any of his bodily coordination.

Quil watched as Jake took off running with a confused Bella. He also listened as his pack brothers took bets on whether or not Bella would actually accept him and even if Jake would allow the opportunity to take place.

Qwar, the name Quil had given his inner wolf, decided that now was the time for his penis to stand at attention and flag down his obvious mate. Giving the Quil portion of the brain a sharp kick, the man stood up and ran after his intended, strongly resembling his imprint in her clumsiness as he tried to flat out run with a stiffy.

The rest of the night went nowhere as planned. Once Quil finally caught up to Jake and Bella, she was overly hysterical at the sudden jostling that had occurred. Panting heavily and fighting off motion sickness, Bella listened as Jake explained the imprint thing to her. When he got to the part that Quil was now bound to her, she fainted, hitting her head against the only lone rock on the beach for twenty miles in any direction.

Jake crouched to his feet and bent over Bella, trying to make sure she was okay. A thin line of blood seeped from her scalp, a knot beginning to form under the skin causing him to worry. Regardless of her mumbled "I'm okay" a few minutes later, Jake knew she needed to go to the emergency room or else he would suffer the wrath of Charlie.

The mental portion known as Quil was once again struck dumb at seeing his imprint hurt; Qwar took over. Approaching from the other side he decided that missionary was as good a position as any to start the mating process; spectators welcome.

Jake thought Quil was attempting to make sure Bella was okay when he kneeled on the other side of her. By the time Quil had stretched out in the sand next to her, thrusting his hips against her leg, Jake lost his patience.

The first punch hit Quil directly in his forehead and an autonomic reaction of rolling away. It was all Jake needed to jump over Bella and continue his assault. While the two wolves performed "Mortal Kombat" to each other, Jared was giving Kim and Emily a play-by-play of the show. Emily quickly pleaded with Sam to step in.

Five minutes later, Sam was driving Bella to the local emergency room, having left explicit instructions for Embry and Jared to see Kim and Emily safely home. Paul was giving the winning task of allowing Quil and Jake to continue beating the shit out of each other. Should they recover and become aware of Bella's absence, Paul could let them know where to find her.

Paul, Jake and Quil meet Sam and a disoriented Bella in the ER parking lot. Jake seemed to be the only person she could recognize and he took over, half carrying her inside.

"Room six," the nurse indicated, sighing at the sight of Bella Swan. That girl's medical folder weighed at least ten pounds and no longer fit in the door sleeves designed to hold charts.

Outside, Paul howled in amusement as Quil tried to explain that he didn't really know he had been dry humping his imprint. He argued that the force was strong in him and he was trying his best to use it for good and not evil.

Sam listened for all of forty-six seconds.

"Let me break it down for you, Quil before I break it off! If you can't put a leash and muzzle on your dick, you really will be the first neutered wolf. Are we clear?"

At Quil's muted nod, the trio walked into the ER, taking seats far away from any unsuspecting humans, listening to a doctor talk to Bella in a room down the hall.

"You won't need stitches, Bella, but you took a heavy hit." Turning to glare at the monstrous man who had accompanied Bella, he wondered if domestic abuse was somehow involved. Jake held up his hands in surrender, knowing exactly what the doctor was thinking and not liking it.

Sighing, the doctor debated internally. He knew Bella wasn't one for pain meds, but he wanted to give her something that would last for a few hours so she could rest peacefully and pain free. He also wanted to take a few x-rays and Bella seemed overly anxious. Too anxious to sit still for proper pictures.

"Bella, will you be by yourself tonight? You really should stay here over night, just to make sure-"

"NO! Char-my dad will be home with me. I'll be okay."

The doctor watched her for a minute, deciding the best way to bargain with her. "Well, I still need to do an x-ray and could possibly be persuaded to discharge you after that. If…"

"Anything," Bella agreed, trying not to grimace in pain.

"Excellent. I'm going to give a shot for the pain and you should feel better shortly." Pulling out a large syringe of Demerol from his coat pocket, he rolled up Bella's shirt sleeve.

Bella tried not to think about the horror of needles, wondering if maybe the better bet would've been to stay overnight. Before she could change her mind, the pinch and burn hit her as the doctor injected the fluid.

"There you go, Bella. Now sit tight while I fill out the x-ray order." Remembering the towering giant still in the room, he added, "I'll leave the door open. If you have any problems, just holler."

Bella lolled her head from side to side in an uncoordinated nod. She suddenly felt weird and the room was slightly spinning. Jacob walked over, hovering nearby his tipsy friend. Sam's voice caught him by surprise.

"Jacob?" Sam questioned in a normal tone while facing Quil. He knew Jake would be able to hear him and since no one really knew who was who —Native American wise- here in Forks, innocent bystanders wouldn't suspect a thing. "Can Quil sit back there with you two? He feels awful and would like to apologize to Bella in person." _And I need a break from Quil's mutterings about having the perfect salve to ease her wounds_, Sam mentally added.

Quil opened his mouth to debate owing an apology. Sure, he kind of felt shitty for Bella getting hurt, but it wasn't like _he_ hit her with the rock! He just wanted to sit with her so he could feel better. Just as quickly he closed his mouth when Jake answered.

"Sam, I don't think that's a good idea right now. Bella's not completely aware of her surroundings," Jake remarked, watching her pet a pillow and call it a nice puppy. He was unable to suppress a hysterical giggle; Charlie was going to kill them all.

"Come on, Sam!" Quil whined, listening to his imprint interact with Jake. Her soft cooing of softness and Jake's chuckling told him one thing: Bella was obviously rubbing Jake's upper thigh and hitting that ticklish spot he complained about. An area that Jake had complained about in the past when Bella's hair happened to brush across as she slept.

From previous wolf-mind readings, Quil also knew that if she petted Jake just a few inches higher, she'd start cooing about what a big dick he had. At least, that's what Jake's mental thoughts had shown. Qwar began to get grumpy as fuck, causing Quil to miss the next few seconds of conversation.

"Jake," Bella gasped, dropping her pillow puppy. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Go ahead, Sam. Send Quil back here," Jake conceded, handing Bella a basin and stepping away.

"You're up, slugger." Slapping a hand across Quil's shoulder, Sam pushed him out of the chair. "You still need to stay in there, Jake. Quil can hold her hand, but not in his lap."

"Thanks, Sam." Grumbling about being always left to deal with the shit jobs, Jake hoped Charlie would arrive quickly and kick them all out.

"I can always send Paul back there to referee."

On the tip of his tongue to say go ahead, Jake watched as Bella tossed the basin aside and turned to a window.

"Are you a vampire? You sparkle really pretty," Bella announced admiringly.

Jake felt the beginnings of a massive headache. If Paul came in here while Bella was like this, someone was likely to end up dead. Probably not Quil either.

"No, just Quil," Jake answered.

Quil had been slowly walking in the direction of Bella's room, wondering if he still had to apologize. He couldn't remember Jared or Sam ever having to apologize to their imprints and figured it must be an unwritten rule. He'd wait until he got there before making a final decision.

Bella, who had given up on her vampire-window friend, looked tense, slightly ill and Quil felt awful. Not only had he tried to dry-hump rape his imprint, but now she really wouldn't want to have normal sex with him; at least not sometime in the next few days.

"Jake," Bella moaned again, not noticing Quil. "I need a bucket!"

Jake reached for the fallen basin while glaring at Quil. He was a piss-poor protector if he couldn't even grab a bucket for his imprint.

"Here you go, Bella," Jake whispered, handing Bella the object who grasped it like a lifeline, hoping the nausea would fade quickly. "Quil, if you can't help Bella, maybe you should go back out into the waiting room."

"Should I go get her some flowers?" Quil asked, too quietly for Bella to hear.

"Yes, and while you're at it, go find your balls. Honestly, Quil; she's your imprint and you can't even help comfort her!"

"Why should I? I sure as hell don't feel comfortable; how the hell am I supposed to make her feel comfortable?"

"That's the point! If you comfort her, both of you will feel better. If you ignore her, you'll both feel like shit. This isn't rocket science, Quil."

"It might as well as be. Jake, this isn't what Sam and Jared show when thinking of their imprints."

Jake didn't care anymore. He felt bad that Bella was stuck with such an ignorant wolf, but if imprinting was about balance, this pair was perfectly evened. "Quil, just…go. Go get her a balloon or something. I'll make sure she's okay."

"Oh, I'll be back, Jake. You can't keep me away from her that easily." Sliding back out of the room, Quil walked away, thinking about what Jake had said. He was supposed to make Bella feel better, but how? A balloon wouldn't make Quil feel better unless it was inserted into something and inflated until exploding. Kind of like the ticks…

No, that wouldn't work either. If Quil came back to Bella with a balloon and a tick or leech, she'd think he was making fun of her. The idea was there though. To make Bella feel better, he had to make her laugh. Turning a corner in the hallway, Quil tripped over an unmanned cart, making the contents clatter.

The cart looked similar to the Craftsman toolbox Jake had out in his shed, except this thing was of a sturdy plastic. Temptation getting the best of him, Quil stole a quick glance around him before sliding open the side to see what was in it.

Rows and rows of vials, jars and bottles lined the inside shelves. One shelf alone resembled an intricate silver-ware drawer; except instead of having forks and crap, it held sectioned-off syringes. Quil found the perfect way for making amends to Bella.

Jake had watched Quil leave before retuning his attention back to Bella. She wasn't actually throwing up, but she kept leaning over like she was going to. Jake figured if it lasted too much longer, he'd go hunt down the doc and punch him in the gut, seeing if it made _him_ feel any better.

Bella finally calmed down and just sat placidly on the bed. Jake was relieved that she wasn't in any pain and had stopped talking to inanimate objects around her. Her eyes were blank, unfocused and didn't project any type of feeling. If he hadn't been able to hear her heart, Jake would've thought she was dead.

Quil's reappearance with his "gift" changed that.

"Surprise!" Quil hollered, jumping around the flimsy curtain of Bella's bed. From his neck, downwards, he had stuck himself with syringes. The injection devices, covering his neck, arms and legs, waved back and forth in motion as Quil did a little dance, trying to make his imprint giggle.

Bella's eyes widened horror. The Demerol was already doing a number on her mental state, but watching a live voodoo doll come dancing in the room was too much. With a startled squeak, Bella passed out, falling face first off of the bed. Her forehead caught the corner of a tray leg before taking the remaining brunt of the dive onto the floor.

Even werewolves could be shocked motionless, Jake learned. His attention was focused directly on the crack-head dancing through the room. Ironically, this crack-head looked a lot like Quil, but Quil couldn't possibly be stupid enough to do something like this to Bella, could he?

"Shit, Jake! Is she okay?" Quil asked mid-jig. With both hands up and off to the sides of his shoulders and one leg partial lifted in a joker style dance, he stared at his imprint, blood yet to be seen, but definitely smelt, appearing from a new wound.

Jake took three steps to reach Bella, picked her up off the floor and laid her on the bed properly before turning to crack-head Quil.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Jake raged, ignoring Sam's voice from the other room about keeping things together.

"You said to make her comfortable; this was my idea."

Jacob's face morphed from pissed-off to unmasked fury. "Does she look comfortable to you? You about gave her a fucking heart attack and you've definitely given her another head injury!" Shoving him against the closest wall, Jake began ripping the syringes out of Quil's skin and tossing them into a nearby trashcan. "You," _rip_ "haven't even," _rip_ "said a proper hello," _rip rip_ "to your imprint."

"How can I, Jake? She's barely been conscious the entire time we've been imprinted. We'll get there," Quil explained.

Yanking and tossing the last syringe, Jake was about to reverse the process and restab Quil when the Doctor came back into the room pushing a wheel chair.

"Okay, Bella, the tech is ready…What the hell happened to my patient?" Forgetting about the chair, he rushed over to the unconscious Bella. The blood seeping from her forehead slightly horrified the doctor and he peeled open her eyelids to flash a penlight, looking for signs of cranial hemorrhaging.

"She fell," Quil supplied helpfully while nodding his head. Jake took a step back away from him, knowing what was about to come next.

Slowly the doctor straightened up before turning around to face the two men. He couldn't believe the police chief would let his daughter associate with anyone who would hurt her, say nothing of two, testosterone fueled beasts who presently occupied the room with her.

"Gentlemen, you need to leave so I may take care of my patient. Seeing as she is still a minor, you will remain in the waiting room unless her guardian says otherwise." Turning he caught the adamant negative shake from Quil and consenting nod from Jacob. "Are we going to have a problem?"

"Not a one, doc. Move, Quil!" As Jake pushed an unwilling Quil out of the room, no one noticed his last minute decision to take one of the syringes with him.

Bella had sustained her second injury, a concussion and while Jake was trying to voodoo Quil's ass with nitroglycerin (lowered blood pressure meant no stiffies) a hysterical laughing Paul and commanding Alpha Sam dragged the two from the ER. By mere seconds, Charlie arrived, missing the four struggling La Push men who disappeared into the night. Bella got stitches and an MRI while the doctor tried to explain to the Chief what might have happened to his daughter. It was a long night.

* * *

Love, people, love! You know what to do so please. Go ahead and do it. ;)


	2. Got milk?

A/N: Beta'd by Bragi151.

* * *

Rubbing a well-calloused hand wearily over his eyes, Charlie sat alone at the kitchen table sipping his stale, six hour old coffee. Last night's turn of events had surprised him. Like any Friday night of a cop's life, he had responded to the usual: a house had been covered in toilet-paper; a disorderly drunk wouldn't leave the diner peacefully; someone had kicked down the stop-sign for the intersection of Main and First. None of those were ever odd or uncomfortable calls to the Chief.

At approximately nine forty-five last night, while Charlie had been explaining to old man Patterson that the town transvestite, Ned *Nancy* Nippleburn had every right to call his/her teddy bear a poodle and that he/she wasn't purposely teasing Patterson's real, semi-hairless poodle, the chief had gotten unusual call.

Steve, the emergency call operator had informed the chief that Bella was in Forks ER and his presence was required. Hurriedly, Charlie instructed Patterson to go to bed while asking *Nancy* if he could perhaps move his show out of the residential area and over to the diner. At least then the disorderly drunk would leave the customers at the diner alone.

With the lights on but no siren, Charlie cruised the familiar path to the local hospital. He wasn't overly concerned that Bella had ended up there again, that was as common as rain. What had concerned him was the receptionist asking if they should have security remove the thugs that had accompanied her there. He had known Bella had been spending the evening out with Jake but who were the others? Bella wasn't voluntarily social and if Jake had others tagging along, she had probably just been overly conscious resulting in a new wound.

Charlie had entered the ER in full officer's presence. Nothing scared the shit out of Jake more than the thought of Charlie being mad at him and Charlie took great self-amusement in abusing that power. Later, he and Billy would down some cold ones, laughing over their kids antics.

Last night, however, the doctor on call had told a very disturbing story. Bella had come in with one injury but left with two; again, nothing too unusual for the daughter Swan. Charlie listened as the doctor hinted to perhaps Bella being involved in an abusive relationship with the towering Native; he retaliated with hints that perhaps the doctor spent too much free time watching westerns. Jake would sooner saw off his own foot than hurt a hair on Bella.

The doctor had been adamant though and Charlie listened patiently, all the while taking notes to plan out his next joke on Jake.

_Teenage boys were good for something other than knocking up daughters, right?_

"Quil," Sam hissed as he dragged the struggling teen into the woods. "What did I tell you? You couldn't even interact with her for thirty seconds supervised and you managed to fuck it all up!"

"Let go of me, Paul," Jake snarled, still trying to inflict more bodily harm on Quil. Paul just laughed as he continued to drag Jake in a similar fashion as Sam was with Quil.

A half-mile away from the hospital and Sam finally stopped, throwing Quil down in front of him. Likewise, Paul did the same with Jake who launched himself at Quil.

"Freeze!" Sam commanded. The two wolves froze mid-launch, inches away from each and in a freaky Matrix sort-of way. The order only stopped them from touching each other and both boys were able to back away, still glaring.

"Sam, he's gonna kill her. Bella nearly kills herself three times daily, but with Quil at her side, she's gonna succeed."

"Jake, she's his imprint. He has to have time to learn her needs and wants. He can't be what she needs if he's not allowed to see her and learn about her."

"Yeah, Jake. I need to see her," Quil quipped. Placing his hands out in front of him like an imaginary chick was bent over, he made the motions of sex with his hips. "I need to…feel her, just so." With a grin, his inner Qwar was fully onboard for this type of plan.

"You son-of-a-bi—"

"Jake! Stop! You aren't helping the situation. I may not be able to order Quil away from Bella, but I sure as hell can order you away from Quil and Bella."

"Sam," Jake whined uncharacteristically.

"No! Now listen." Taking a deep breath, Sam let it out slowly before addressing the concerned wolf. "Quil will be allowed to see her and you will tag along the first few times, assuming Bella is okay with that. If she is okay with unsupervised visits from Quil, you will no longer chaperone." Sam turned away to speak to the problematic wolf before Jake could argue with him. "But Quil? You aren't getting away scot-free. You are not allowed any type of sex with her unless she initiates it."

"You mean…Bella has to whip it out for me?" Both Quil and Qwar were slightly excited at that prospect: Bella reaching out to unzip his fly.

"Yes. Or she has to ask you to take it out." Any other Alpha might have shown concern or anger that a fellow wolf was only thinking with his dick. This was Quil, though, and Sam knew better. He did become concerned as the silence grew and he watched the gerbil wheel spin behind Quil's eyes. Fervently Sam wished he hadn't thought that.

"Well, what if we're like kissing and shit and she's frustrated that I'm not taking care of her?" Quil asked, beginning to understand that Sam's idea wasn't really a good thing for him. Or Qwar.

"Then, you best figure out how to take care of her with your clothes on," Sam answered bluntly, causing Paul to lose it. The overly gruff wolf had to sit down to wipe away tears of laughter and hoped that he might get to chaperone this doomed duo at least once.

"Sam, she's gonna think I'm unskilled…or that I don't think of her like that. This is kind of mean, you know," Quil complained, thinking that Sam was confused. It wasn't like he was a vamp and could detach his dick before going to see his imprint. Or detach his dick and wear on the outside of his shorts so he could bypass this Alpha order crap.

"No Quil, this is me being nice. While I can't order you away from her, I can give you an order not to leave our lands. Then you'd be stuck only being able to see her when she comes to visit. Is that what you want?"

"No," Quil sulked, knowing this was the best he was going to get at the moment.

"Jake? Can you live with these guidelines?"

Sam's question was thoughtful but double edged. Jake certainly didn't want to watch his Bells fawn all over the pack retard, but it also wasn't fair to leave Bella alone to defend herself against Quil. He wasn't malicious, but Quil never knew where to draw the line between amusing and deadly.

"I…yeah. As long as Bella is happy, I can live with this. But I swear, Quil, you fuck this up and I'll spend as long as it takes to convince Charlie that Bella should go live with her mom in Florida."

"Alright, geez you're a pushy ass. I promise to be the best damn imprint ever." Still slightly hostile towards each other, the boys each gave their nod of consent of agreement to the terms.

Sam sighed in relief. "Great! Now that you two love birds have kissed and made up, you two can go scout La Push for a few hours. Your courtship can start tomorrow."

At 6:53 a.m., not even three hours since Jake had crawled his ass to bed, an overly excited Quil was outside his window, furiously tapping.

"Jake! You up, man?" Quil practically yelled through the partially opened window. With nothing but some murmuring from the room, he tried again. "Come on, Jake, get UP! I gotta go see my booty."

Swinging upright in bed, Jake just snarled. "Quil, what the fuck are you talking about? And stop pounding on my window before you break it or wake up my dad."

"Come on Jake. Sam said you had to go with and you said you would. Get up so we can go!" Quil watched as Jake rubbed the sleep from his eyes, wondering if the man could possibly move any slower.

Last night's events rolled through Jake's mind; combined with exhaustion he snapped at his friend. "Christ! Bella's probably not even conscious yet and I have no desire to face Charlie this early in the morning."

"Awww, does the puny human dad scare you? I could take him with one hand tied behind my back and blind-folded," Quil crowed, amused that there was a _human_ who caused Jake distress.

"The puny human, as you call him, is Bella's father. You'd do well not to piss him off or he'll have Bella on the first plane back to her mom's."

"Fine, I get it." _Not really._ "But could you hurry up? I need to go see my booty."

Jake knew he was exhausted; Quil must be too if he was speaking such gibberish. "Quil, if you can't find your own ass, you're shit out of luck. Come back in a few hours when everyone is awake and somewhat conscious and we can go see Bella." Lying back down, Jake hoped Quil would get the hint and come back and a more reasonable time.

"Geez, Jake. For being her best friend, you sure don't know much about her. The name Bella means booty, and that's what I'm gonna call her."

Sitting right back up, Jake stared open mouthed for the longest time, in complete silence. He couldn't even comprehend Quil's sheer stupidity and that was saying a lot. Finally Quil's meaning clicked in and Jake toppled over in laughter. "Are you going to tell her that?"

"Why would I have to tell her that? It's her name, I'm sure she's well aware of what it means." Not understanding his humor, Quil waited for Jake to say something about how impressed he was that Quil had taken such pains to learn the importance of his imprint's name.

Qwar gave Quil all the encouragement and congratulations he needed, making Jake's next statement not quite as insulting.

"You clueless dick; Bella means _beautiful_ or _beauty, _not _booty_!"

"Are you sure? That's not very sexual." Quil knew Jake had to be wrong.

"No, you're right. She can be Booty and you can be Quil, roughly translated to "pain in the". Poor Bells, she really got jabbed in the ass by being stuck with you."

"You aren't funny, Jake. I thought it was a sign from the Great Wolf Spirit, telling me my blessing was to be imprinted with a beautiful piece of ass. Now, I'm just stuck with a beauty."

_Stupid mean-Spirited Great Wolf Freaks._

"Whatever, Quil. Beautiful or not, her ass is still asleep, or unconscious. You really did a number on her."

"Says the best friend who didn't catch her. If you hadn't run off to begin with last night, we wouldn't have been around sharp pointy objects for her to fall on." Scowling, Quil waited to see his friend argue that!

"Shut the hell up, Quil!" Jake snarled, all humor fleeing. "You scared the piss out of her multiple times, damn near killed her AND almost got us arrested at the hospital. You are most definitely to blame for last night's tragedy."

"Really?" Quil asked, wide-eyed and thoughtful. Jake thought he was finally getting somewhere with him and nodded, hoping Quil would take this imprint thing more seriously.

"Funny, I don't remember smelling any piss."

It wasn't Quil that broke the window, but Jake as he launched through it to tackle Quil and pound some more sense into him.

Not all patrols were performed in wolf form. Sam used the guise of running to show that his muscular form was due to workouts and not steroids as some of the population thought. At a steady pace, he ran through La Push, breathing heavily to absorb the nearby scents and detect for leech activity. He was not expecting to find two pack mates engaged in a brawl with each other.

Slowing as he neared the Black's house, he jogged across the yard and to the side of the house where the noises were coming from. The sight froze him in place.

Thoughts of Cirque du Soleil, cage fighting and pretzel shaping crossed his mind as Sam studied the two boys twisting, turning and flaying about on the ground. He didn't even know that a body could bend that way but Jake and Quil had once again proven an unknown fact.

It was difficult to tell who was winning. Jake had Quil head locked in between his legs but one of Quil's legs wrapped up and over Jake's right shoulder, somehow was twisted with his foot appearing under Jake's left arm.

Likewise, Jake's own legs were bent underneath himself with his feet poking out from his backsides. Both sets of arms were punching and clawing trying to gain purchase.

"Sam," Billy called from the hole on the side of the house. "You mind explaining what this," he waved his hands at the churning body parts and grass bits, "is all about?"

Sam scratched the back of his head, at a loss for words. "I'm not entirely sure, Billy. My guess would be they're arguing over Bella, although I thought we had settled that last night."

Billy held up his hand in pacification. "Say no more. I love that girl like my own daughter, but she is going to be the death of my bank account. Get those pups to stop and then order them not to inflict any more structural damage on La Push grounds. There's plenty of rainforest they can demolish, let them purge their rage elsewhere." Wheeling away, Billy had no doubts that Sam would take care of situation. In the meantime, he figured he could brew some coffee before Jake came back in to make them breakfast. Jake better not have used the rest of the creamer in one of his "girls drinking milk" fantasies. Then there really would be hell to pay.

"When's her birthday?" Quil asked Jake several hours later on the drive to Bella's. Sam had ordered a no touching rule between the two and Quil decided he was safe to ask whatever questions he wanted.

"September 19th," Jake replied in a short and clipped voice. It wasn't fair that he had to fix the hole by himself while Sam ordered Quil on a jog around the reservation. His dad was ticked, unjustly so, and told Jake he needed to learn better anger management. Billy still hadn't fully forgiven Jake for driving his motorcycle through the shed wall when he learned Bella had once willingly dated a bloodsucker.

"Favorite color?" Quil pestered, interrupting Jake's mental rant about the need to even have a fully walled shed. Wood-rot was a bitch!

"Red," he replied, still mental venting. He had tried to convince his dad that the wood could be used for the next bonfire and that he'd even take the rest of the walls down. No one was exactly well-off in La Push. Having a back yard littered with crap was common!

Quil just nodded wondering if that meant Bella's favorite flavor was cherry or strawberry. He knew for a fact that both flavors were available in motion lotions and wasn't opposed to either flavor. Or combining them.

"Favorite animal?" Quil asked in a dreamy voice, now dreaming of Bella wearing red lingerie. _Growl!_

Jake became scared. Two days after Quil had phased, Jared had jokingly told Quil that the reason Bald Eagles were found on American currency was due to the fact that they laid golden eggs. Local wildlife rangers had gone insane with the thought that some psycho was deliberately decimating the birds nesting grounds when reports of disrupted nests came to them from local hikers.

Sam nearly shit himself when he phased one day and heard Quil wondering when his new 'pets' would make him rich. Dutifully Quil had locked his newly acquired investments inside an abandoned shed waiting for them to produce.

Quil's strange ideas about wildlife caused Jake to fear for Bella's safety should he mention any type of creature that was large, aggressive, laid eggs or inhabited North America.

"Aardvarks," Jake finally answered, praying Quil wouldn't get the idea to raid a nearby zoo.

"Really? Geez that's…a little odd." Quil had to think about this. Why would anyone prefer such a strange creature unless… Sitting straight up in his seat, Qwar fed the visuals of an aardvark and the possibility of being attracted to an animal that possessed a large and thick trunk.

_Oh, the kinkiness!_

"Yep," Jake answered nervously, relaxing when Quil finally changed topics.

"Do you think it's a coincidence that her eyes are the exact same color as my fur?" _Mmmm, cherry and chocolate_, Qwar purred, helping Quil remember how fuckawesome it was to be a chocolate colored wolf.

Jake just rolled his eyes. "Yes. Extremely coincidental. Now please, shut the hell up. We're almost there." _Far from it, but a wolf could pray…_

"What's our cover story?" Quil asked in complete seriousness, not paying the slightest bit of attention to how far or close they were to their destination.

"For what?" Nervously, Jake checked the back seat and nearby forest for any signs of wildlife. Quil wasn't much, but he was sneaky as fuck; a deer tied to the back bumper would not have surprised Jake in the least but damned if he'd be able to come up with a cover story for it.

"Duh, for visiting her unexpectedly." Sometimes Quil wondered about Jake; he always acted like U.F.O's were hovering about or some shit. There was no other reason for that boy's nervousness.

Jake almost melted into his seat with sheer relief. This he could easily handle. "I'm her best friend; I don't need a reason to visit unexpectedly. As for why you're tagging along, I don't know. I figure I'll just tell Charlie it was all your fault and you're here to apologize to her in person."

"Yeah, good id—hey! Wait a minute. How is this my fault?"

"Quil, your flawless imprint timing upset her so much she fainted and hit her head. Then, in a rash decision of insanity, you scared her so much, she fell again. And because of you're stupid antics, we don't even know what the final outcome was. She could be dead." True, Jake had already expressed this earlier back at the house but he was still ticked. It wasn't like Quil could really fight about it anymore.

"Don't say that Jake! That's not funny! I don't want to be remembered as the only wolf in Quileute history to have had their imprint die before he could ever have sex. I don't want to die a virgin, Jake." Quil quickly swiped his eyes and rubbed his crotch. Two simultaneous gestures that sent Jake over the edge.

"Damn. Haven't any of the other feelings for imprinting kicked in yet?" Jake waited while Quil thought about the question. The length of time grew and still Quil had yet to answer. "Well?" Jake asked again impatiently.

Those odd imprint characteristics of care and respect for Bella began to rise and Qwar began a full-fledged war. If Quil wanted to be a sissy, he could do it later. Like when he was dead. For now, Qwar was in charge and that meant sex, sex, kink and sex. In that order.

"Shh, just a minute. I'm talking it over with Qwar."

"Qwar," Jake muttered hatefully. "Maybe I should ask Sam to make Qwar move out and find a new home."

"Jake, Qwar doesn't find that funny. He's trying to figure out how to get around Sam's order." Absentmindedly, he ran his hand over his crotch in an act of comfort to assure Qwar they weren't going to try the dick removal tactic. Sex was the first priority and that blessed piece of equipment was a must.

"Quil, I will turn this car around right now if you don't shut the fuck up." _And stop touching your junk!_ "Bella is not some baby-making machine."

"Eww, babies? No, man. Qwar and I aren't discussing spit-bundles at all. We're talking about the all the practice that it takes to make them." Lighting up in happiness, Quil watched as Jake pulled into the Swan's driveway.

Jake's hysteria kicked in again as he began to giggle nervously. "Oh my god, Charlie's gonna fed us both our nuts once he hears you talk, Quil."


	3. Sniff This!

AN: Beta'd by Bragi151.

* * *

Charlie answered the door, not at all surprised to see Jake and nearly shocked speechless to see that he had brought a friend.

"Jake," Charlie greeted him, one arm on the door jam and the other still clutching the door knob. "What brings you here this early on such a fine Saturday morning?"

_Oh shit!_ Jake thought, trying not to sweat. Charlie's overly gracious mood was a bad sign. _He's been plotting revenge!_

Trying to remind himself that he was a _werewolf,_ Jake returned the greeting. "Good morning, Charlie. Is Bella up? We wanted to see her and make sure she was okay."

_Too easy! _Charlie thought. Jake always did give him the openings he needed to start questioning.

"Son, I doubt Bella will be up for another eight hours or so. As I hear it, the doc had to give her a mighty strong shot to help with her sudden injuries. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?" Still sizing up the unknown friend, he watched from his peripheral vision as Jake gulped and struggled to give an acceptable answer.

"I do, Charlie, and I'm really sorry. We were just goofing around and Bella got startled. She passed out and hit her head on a rock. She said she was okay, but we both know how she can down play things so I took her to the ER."

"Who's this?" Charlie asked, nodding to Quil and ignoring Jake's explanation. He studied the young man's nervous disposition and constant movement.

Quil felt like he was grounded to a transformer….or pissing on an electric fence. Qwar babbled and pushed him, telling Quil to just go ahead and take out this imprint-interrupter. Quil, for reasons completely unknown to him, thought that was a bad idea. For every inch Qwar moved forward, Quil pushed back with an equal force.

Jacob panicked.

"I'm sorry, Charlie, this is Quil. He was with us last night at the bonfire and was part of the reason Bella was so surprised. We were arguing over a new diner we heard about in Seattle, called _**Alpha's Order!**_ Quil was unsure about what the _**proper behavior**_ for such a place should be and _**Sam's **__**explanation**_ has left him still feeling unsure and _**alone**_. He'd still like to apologize to Bella, though, if that's okay?"

Charlie listened patiently to Jake spew out some random crap. He knew drug slang when he heard it being woven into casual conversation; this wasn't it. He still took notes and would add a trip to the station later in the day to make sure Jake's story was somewhat truthful. He also planned to run through some of the latest mug shots and see if Quine's face appeared in any.

Turning his full attention back to Jake, Charlie pick up where he had left off. "Like I said, Bella isn't awake yet. I'm about to go out for a bit and don't like the idea of strangers being in the house while she's still asleep. You come back later and I'll let you in. Alone," Charlie added as an afterthought. Qweepie was a little weird.

"Wait!" Quil spoke up as Charlie was about to shut the door. "Charlie, you know Jake. He's practically family to Bella and who better to watch her than a brother? You don't really want her stumbling around the house when you aren't here, do you? Jake and I can watch her while you step out."

Charlie was astounded that this youth had addressed him by his first name and not chief or Mr. Swan. True, it wasn't the best of ideas to leave Bella alone and medicated, and while he had no problem with Jake sitting around, Quirk he didn't trust. It was time to test their authenticity.

"Jake, did your dad tell you about the latest report we were discussing last fishing trip?" Charlie finally asked, allowing for the five minutes of silence to intimidate the lads.

Slapping a hand over his mouth to hold back the hysterical giggles, Jake just shook his head. The retelling of reports was Charlie's subtle way of letting him know he'd found a new way to torture Jake should the need arise.

"One day, two boys, oh I'd say sixteen, seventeen years old, went to visit a friend of theirs; a girl!" Charlie yelled out the last part, trying not to chuckle as his audience flinched.

Lowering his voice again, Charlie continued, "Now details are a might sketchy on whether or not she agreed to being drugged, but when her dad got home, he found that those two boys had taken horrible advantage of his daughter."

Jake had no doubt this was another subtle tactic of Charlie's to make sure that any boy in Bella's presence never even thought the word 'sex', much less engage in such activities.

Quil was somewhat thinking the same thing as Jake, but Qwar was insisting that as a werewolf, he could easily clear the room before getting caught!

Charlie watched the changing look in Quil's eyes and turned his voice mean. "He shot them two boys, mid-act, and got off with probation only. Those two boys, though? They get to spend the rest of their lives carrying piss bags."

Jake read the message loud and clear:

_Daughter Bella + gun toting Charlie = shot in the junk Jake. _

He prayed Quil would just keep his mouth shut and not comment.

Quil's eyes went blank, internally arguing with Qwar over the best logistics of avoiding any type of immediate games that would make Charlie bring a weapon into it. Having sex while still wearing clothes wasn't impossible and would probably yield the best results. Qwar thought Quil was a pansy.

Charlie figured he had made his point and was ready to move on. He knew nothing of Qwar. "You're more than welcome to help me out, Jake. Come on in and you can wait 'til either Bella wakes up or I get back."

"Thank you, Charlie. I'm just going to sit in the living room and watch some ESPN. If I hear Bella at all, I'll just stand at the top of the stairs and make sure she doesn't need anything."

"Great," Charlie beamed, knowing those boys didn't give two shits about ESPN. He decided to add a finishing touch. "Just let me get my gun and knives and I'll be off. Gotta head off to Newton's and have my Bowie knives sharpened. You'd think I'd been sawing bone instead of fish scales for as quick as those blades dull. Does Billy have that problem too?"

"I, uhh, don't really know, Charlie. I'll be sure to ask him later," Jake stuttered. _Oh god, he was gonna lose his junk._

Not laughing was almost impossible now. _Point made_, Charlie thought.

"Well, come in. You know the way." Swinging the door wide open, Charlie watched as a nervous Jake walked in. Quil, however, was met with opposition. "I don't know you, Quint. You'll have to stay out here until I get back."

Quil started to argue, but stopped short at Jake's whispered pleading. He'd let Quil in later, but for the love of hotdogs, just stay outside for now. Jake also reminded Quil that Charlie probably had equally scary cop friends. Like a kicked puppy, Quil walked back out to Jake's car to listen to some music.

Hotdogs were Quil's ambrosia.

Charlie laughed all the way to Newton's. He knew damn sure those boys wouldn't dare to hurt Bella. Just as he knew that as soon as his car had turned the corner, Jake let that Quip guy inside. He couldn't wait to share this latest game with Billy.

"Hey, Billy, how's it going?" Charlie greeted his best friend an hour later, walking into the welcoming house.

Billy just grunted before pointing to the fridge. "Grab a few beers and tell me what's up with Jake this time. You usually only wear that type of smile when it's exceptionally good."

Charlie grinned even more, grabbing the frosted beverages anxious to begin his questioning.

"…and he had some weirdo with him. I think he was a porcupine or something," Charlie explained, three beers later.

Billy belched loudly before answering. "You mean Quil; the kid that's about as big as Jake and couldn't tie his own shoes without a manual?"

"Yeah, that'd be the boy. Why is he hanging around with Jake when he spends time with Bells? Is there something going on I don't know about?"

"Oh my god, Charlie, that's funny!" Billy guffawed for a bit before collecting himself. "I don't know a time when you didn't know what was going on. Bella's too innocent for anything like that and we both know Jake isn't like that."

"When you say it like that, it does sound rather stupid. But Jake's grown quite a bit in a short amount of time and I worry one of these days, he might be thinking with something other than his head. I don't know Quartz at all so I can't say what his reasons or actions might be."

"Quil," Billy clarified, snickering over Charlie's inability to correctly say the boy's name, "has no hidden agenda. He's been Jake's best friend since diapers and even if he was some weird sex addict, Jake would beat the shit out of him for acting on it IF it even got that far."

"Hell, I know that, Chief!" Charlie exclaimed. "I just want to make sure I'm not missing some appropriate torture time with the young lads interested in my girl." Taking another long swig of ale, Charlie waited while Billy pondered over this piece of information.

When Sam had said it was about Bella, Billy just assumed Quil had made some rude comment to Jake and Jake had flipped. Never once did it occur to him that maybe the fight involved an wolf thing….an imprint thing; for if Quil was interested in Bella Swan, it could only be an imprint occurrence. None of the pack –including Quil—was dumb enough to try for her affection with Jake's interest so obvious.

"You think Quil might be interested in Bells?" Billy asked hesitantly, thinking of this morning's fight between his son and best friend.

"I think it might be a strong possibility, Billy. Jake had a different expression on his face this time, not the usual hopeful one he wears when visiting Bells. And that Qent boy! I swear, I could almost see him panting at the thought of seeing Bella. The only reason I agreed to leave was cause Jake was there and Bell's never forgive me if I denied him entrance."

"Bella's got a smart head; I'm sure she'll make the best decision possible whatever it entails," Billy encouraged before finishing his beer. "The important question is, what do you have planned this time for our father amusement?" Smirking, Billy threw his bottle away as Charlie began to lay out another diabolic plan.

* * *

"Jake," Quil whined pounding on the front door three minutes after he could no longer hear Charlie's car. "Are you going to let me in? Me, out here, does not count as quality imprint time."

Jake wanted to laugh. He had the perfect excuse for Sam as to why he couldn't let Quil in. Sam had never experienced the Charlie-effect, but no werewolf order could surpass that of a gun-toting-knife-wielding dad.

"You heard Charlie, Quil. He was dead serious. And even if we can take a bullet to the man-parts, heal and live to tell about it, I really don't want to go through that. Do you?"

"Jake, we'll be able to hear him from a mile away. Come on, man. Let me in!" His pounding on the door increased until Jake finally threw it open.

"Would you stop that? Bella's asleep and we sure as hell don't need any of the neighbors calling up Charlie to complain about your ruckus."

"Move," Quil demanded, pushing his way past Jake. He stopped just inside the hallway to take notice of the place his girl lived at. Very much a bachelor's pad, the Swan's house had few frills and colors. The kitchen and living room were both viewable and it was all paneling and linoleum. There were no curtains on any of the windows and Quil calculated how easy it would be to peer in on nights he might happen to be lurking outside.

Qwar was hoping for late-night strip teases.

Reminding him that lurking was best done from the inside, preferably in Bella's bedroom, Qwar settled down. With that thought in mind, Quil walked straight for the stairs.

"Quil, stop." Reaching out, Jake clamped down on his friend's shoulder. "We can't just crowd into Bella's room and wake her up."

_Three's a crowd,_ Qwar whispered.

"Right," Quil said, answering both voices before just addressing Jake. "Which is why you can stay down here. I think I can find my imprint on my own."

After Charlie's little chat and Quil crotch rubbing, Jake wasn't about to let him anywhere near a sleeping girl, imprint or not! "Just stay here. I'll go get her, okay?"

"No way! Why would I miss the chance to see my girl in a teddy?" Quil and Qwar both sighed happily, once again reliving imaginary scenes of Bella in red lingerie.

"Quil, I let you in the house. Could you at least be nice enough to just sit your ass down while I make sure Bella is okay? Once I'm certain she doesn't want to kill either of us, I'll bring her downstairs."

"But, the teddy-"

"Doesn't exist. Bella isn't that type of girl. She's probably wearing something ugly," Jake suggested, hoping to help Quil get over his obvious excitement. If Bella wasn't already pissed, she'd sure as hell be so after Quil bounced into her room at full attention.

"Fine, go ahead. But you better be quick. We are on a schedule here," Quil admitted defeatedly, stepping aside so Jake could pass.

"Right," Jake answered sarcastically as he trudged his way upstairs alone. It really didn't matter when Charlie came back; sooner or later, he'd catch Quil doing something he shouldn't.

Rapping lightly against the partially closed door, Jake could hear Bella rustle around and finally mumble something that sounded like an okay to enter. He tried not to gasp as he took in Bella's condition.

Her hair was tangled and knotted, bits of sand still obvious from last night's beach party. A bandage was wrapped around her head, and from the front, Jake could see where it had bled through the gauze. Bella was trapped in the blankets and her eyes were only slitted open and unfocused. Jake felt ten times worse at seeing her than he had at thinking how she might be.

"How you doing, Bells? I'm really sorry about last night. Are you okay?" he rambled quickly, suddenly standing next to the bed.

Groaning, Bella tried to figure out where she was and why Jake was with her. The sparse morning light led her to believe she was obviously supposed to be up. "What are you doing here, Jake? Am I late for school?"

"No, Bells. It's Saturday," Jake said slowly, concerned that she didn't even know what day it was. "I stopped by to see you and Charlie let me in to keep an eye on you while he ran some errands. Can I get you anything?" _Like a big rock to beat Quil with?_

"I'm fine," Bella answered as she tried to sit up in bed. Four inches risen and she collapsed, clutching her aching spinning head. "That hurts," she mumbled.

"Quil," Jake hissed low, "You had best not fucking even blink at her wrong or I'll call Charlie myself." He watched poor Bells struggle through her pain.

Quil only laughed from downstairs at Jake's threat, not realizing how bad Bella looked, but knowing his friend wouldn't willingly call Charlie even if Quil gave in to the urge for some touchy-feely time.

Jake just scowled at the floor towards Quil before figuring he might as well ask Bella the inevitable. "Do you remember what happened last night?"

"Sort of…I was at the beach and then," Bella paused, trying to recall what had really happened as opposed to her crazy dreams. "I think I passed out, but I don't remember why. Then it's just all kinda blurry. I was dreaming about a mink coat trying to attach to me and then it grew these scary teeth and was dancing. Weird, huh?"

The hysterical laugh left Jake before he could stop it. They were all screwed. "That is weird. You know what's even weirder? The mink coat is actually waiting for you downstairs."

"Mink? Shit, Jake, that's real fucking kinky. Thanks!" Quil exclaimed adding the idea of Bella in red lingerie lying across fur bedding.

Blessedly, Bella couldn't hear him. She missed the signs of Jake's nervousness, struggling with her own headache. Latching on to the last words spoken, she asked, "Jake, I don't understand. You bought me a mink coat?"

Visions of Cruella D'vile and her need of puppies to make a coat, flashed past Bella. Jake was a werewolf, did that count? She started to laugh then stopped when her head began to throb worse.

"Noooo. I know how you are about gifts although I kinda wish I had bought you this mink coat. Then you could return it," Jake answered dreamily. _If only wolves could be returned…_

"Why would you want me to return something you had bought?"

_Why did her head hurt this bad? _

_Where was Charlie? _

_Why did most questions start with a 'w' word? _

_Whippersnapper_…

Bella was still slightly high from the Demerol.

"Because, Bells," Jake sighed out. He couldn't keep up with his own mood swings and just let it all out. Sort of. "This coat requires constant maintenance."

The dawning of horror flashed across Bella's face and her hands went up to cup her checks. More to figure out if one's face could actually 'dawn'. "Oh, Jake. Please tell me you didn't buy me a pet? You know how Charlie is; we'll both be in big trouble if you did. "

Both of them shuddered, remembering the countless times Charlie had ranted about people and pets. If it could be grilled, fried or smoked, it was best left living outside. The one time Jake had ventured to ask how anyone could grill a ferret, Charlie had gone into great detail.

"Can I just show you? It..he's downstairs waiting." _Probably turning Charlie's recliner into a nest_. Jake had to pinch himself again to control the maniacal giggles from escaping.

"Did you leave it outside? Maybe you could just go let it loose in the woods?" Bella asked, really hoping whatever 'it' was, could easily scamper off back into nature.

"Do you really not know who I'm talking about?" Jake inquired, more out of honest surprise and less out of Quil's mumblings of 'No fucking way! She doesn't remember?'

"No, Jake, I don't and right now my head really hurts. Can you please just go release him back into the wild? I promise if you give me a few minutes Ill make you some breakfast…"Bella paused, catching sight of her clock, "…some lunch."

Whooping for joy, Jake leaned over to give Bella a hug. Food made everything better. "Thanks, honey, I am hungry, but I really can't let him back into the wild." _Damn it!_ "We'll be downstairs waiting." Jake left her room quickly, whispering profanities, threats and promises to Quil faster than he could keep up.

Struggling to get dressed, Bella wondered what Jake's surprise was. She knew he didn't have any money to buy her something, but that certainly didn't mean he hadn't gone out into the wild to catch a present. Bella only hoped it was small and not dead. She had no intention of cooking Jake's 'gift'.

* * *

The stairs loomed in front of her and closing her eyes, Bella briefly contemplated asking Jake to carry her or at the very least, stand at the bottom to catch her for when –not if—she fell.

"Do you need help?" Quil asked, suddenly standing in front of Bella. With a gasp she started to fall backwards, but luckily he grabbed her in time.

Unluckily, Qwar was immediately excited. With arms around Bella's waist from her attempted fall, the wolf was wrapped and leaning over with her. Both bodies still bent, Quil lifted her up, their waists pushed together. In this position, Bella's breasts teased him and Quil couldn't stop from pressing his lips to the covered mounds and breathing deeply.

Bella may have had mental defects of sorts, but her body was fully functioning. Still slightly hazed from the Demerol, she said nothing as the sexy man fondled her and caused her female parts to tingle. When her hips shifted on their own accord, Quil lifted his head to grunt in appreciation.

"Quil, get your ass back down here. And stop molesting Bella. The poor girl doesn't have any wits about her at the moment." Jake's blunt observation brought Bella back to herself. Her female parts weren't as compliant though and it took longer than she really wanted to break away from Quil.

Pulling away from her just long enough to answer, Quil was quick to say, "Damn it, Jake, shut up! I was busy." Turning back to Bella, Quil went in for another feel when he stopped short to sniff the air.

Bella had easily heard Jake, her mind taking a few seconds longer to figure out exactly either Quil or Jake were talking about. Once the realization hit, her cheeks lit up, embarrassment and humiliation flooding her system.

Quil/Qwar could smell the emotions of his imprint, the animalistic-Qwar side unable to fully understand that this was a human reaction. The offset of emotions from his mate confused the wolf and he leaned back in to sniff her. The only thing Qwar knew was that his mate didn't emit safe and happy vibes; smelling her seemed like the logical thing to do, ensuring she wasn't maimed or hurt.

And still fuckable.

Bella couldn't stop freaking out as the huge man she knew was Quil, ran his nose along her cheeks and down her throat. Several times he repeated the process, each course ending with a tiny lick from his tongue at the bottom of her throat, dead center of her collar bone.

"Jaaake," she pleaded, unsure of what to do or if she could move without Quil attacking.

Jake appeared quickly, fearing what Quil may be doing, and hoping the loser wasn't lewdly rubbing himself like from earlier in the car. Visibly relaxing when he found Quil sniffing Bella, he tried to explain to her this odd occurrence.

"I'm sorry, Bella, this might happen a lot. Once Quil gets a better grip on his wolf side, he'll probably be able to refrain from doing this…," stopping mid sentence, Jake watched as Quil set Bella down on the floor. Crouching down in front of her, Quil picked up first one leg then the other, once again sniffing each appendage.

"Then again, Bells, Quil may need more time than the rest of us normally would."

Jake watched in pity as Quil continued to sniff Bella. He wanted to help her, but to interfere with an appraising wolf could mean a fight and Bella didn't need that! Well, she needed that about as much as she needed a sniff job, but at least Quil was still clothed. Things might be looking up for the couple.

When the sniffing finally stopped, Jake was able to grab Quil and push him towards the stairs. Picking up Bella, Jake followed Quil and the three made their way to the kitchen to discuss lunch.

Bella wanted to cry, scream, weep, and smack Quil upside the head with a frying pan. Every emotion she felt that wasn't happiness led Quil to resume his sniffing. When Bella had blushed because Jake and Quil thought she was a tad unsteady to cook and they would make lunch, Quil dropped a pot to sniff her. Again when she had squeaked as Jake pulled her in an unexpected hug as thanks for sharing the contents of her fridge, Quil came up from behind to sniff her back. The final straw had been when she made her way/stumbled/was carried by Jake back upstairs to use the bathroom and stubbed her toe against the tub.

Tears filled her eyes and she bit her lip as the sudden pain traveled up her foot. Not even thinking about the tiny scraping noise coming from outside in the hallway, Bella tried to relax and ran a wet cloth over her face. Once she had opened the bathroom door, Quil had picked her up and proceeded with a full body sniff. Jake had been unable to interfere, watching through a narrowed gaze as Quil completed his task.

"Quil, I think we need to discuss this," Bella began, the trio back in the living room for some visiting time. She was talking to the ceiling; Quil had laid down on the couch with her back pressing against his chest. "I want to help you, I really do, but I can't function like this."

"Like what? I can change; just tell me what to do." Flipping her around, Bella was suddenly underneath Quil, slightly suffocating as most of his weight was on top of her.

Jake couldn't stand it any longer and jumped up to try and remove Quil. The weight eased off of Bella as Jake tried to pry Quil off, but he had a death grip on the cushions, resulting in a hovering Quil.

"Get the hell off of her, Quil and stop being like this! You're worse than the ticks you find so much fun playing with."

"Stop, Jake! You aren't supposed to interfere with my time here," Quil complained, more than happy to feel that the lower half of his body was still pressed against Bella.

"Guys," Bella called out softly, her head back in full throb mood. "Can we maybe do this another time? I really need to go rest."

Jake still held part of Quil, but the imprinted wolf's attention was focused below him.

"Can I help?" Quil rushed out excitedly, thoughts of a skimpy, red, lacey thing needing to be pulled over Bella's nude body…after he had smelled and licked certain places.

"Help me rest?" Confused, Bella looked to Jake for an explanation, wondering if it was a wolf thing. Jake just shrugged, not even wanting to venture a guess.

"Yeah, can I watch you sleep?" Quil asked, knowing that he'd be able to easily sniff and browse to his heart's content.

"What?" Bella whispered, instantly reminded of another creature that used to watch her sleep. The rush of emotions was strong. Once the words had left her mouth, Quil was back to sniffing her. "Quil, can I please sit up?" She asked, needing breathing room.

Qwar wanted to make another back sniff and easily let Quil flip off of Bella and help her back into a sitting position while Jake backed away a few steps still fuming. With his nose nestled between her shoulder blades, Quil began to explain. "It won't be so bad. I can just sit next to you and watch you sleep. I promise not to touch you unless…you want me to?" The hopefulness in Quil's tone left a hyperventilating Bella bent over with Quil sniffing her and Jake growling off to the side, unable to interfere.

*&^*(

Charlie pulled up into his driveway late afternoon, just a slight buzz lingering from the beer he had shared with Billy. He wasn't surprised to still see Jake's car nor was he surprised to see it empty of a Qore…Quick…whatever the hell the boy's name was.

Walking into the house, Charlie could immediately make out the ESPN commentary coming from the living room T.V.. Hanging up his gun belt and placing his newly sharpened Bowie knife on the coat rack shelf, he went to see how the boys had spent their time with Bella.

His daughter was curled up on the couch fully clothed and fast asleep, causing Charlie to smile. Jake must've brought her down here at one point to watch a game or something and she simply tuckered out. Where then was Jake and…Quilt? Frowning, Charlie noticed that Bella's makeshift pillow was a t-shirt. A very large, young man's t-shirt, quite possibly –absolutely—the same shirt Quiz had been wearing.

He walked back towards the kitchen planning on yelling at them both for being in the house. There was no one in the kitchen.

Anger quickly building, Charlie marched up the stairs to the bedrooms. Granted, Bella was safely downstairs by herself, but there wasn't an excuse on the planet to account for two young males being upstairs alone in a young lady's bedroom.

The upstairs was void of anyone also.

Eventually he found them out in the backyard, shirtless and tossing around a fluorescent pink volleyball; a thoughtful gift Charlie had bought for Bella a few years ago when he thought he could help her with hand eye coordination.

It didn't.

"What the hell are you doing?" Charlie demanded watching as Quil threw the ball to Jake before running back a few yards.

"Hey Charlie." Jake greeted catching the ball from Quil and jogging over. "Quil was bored outside all by himself and Bella fell asleep. You said he couldn't come in so I came outside to keep him company while she napped." Dropping the ball, he picked up his discarded shirt, wishing he had thought to put it on when the cruiser's engine had been detected a few minutes ago.

"You!" Charlie hollered at Quil pointing at him. "You mind telling me why my daughter is using your shirt as a pillow?"

_Oh shit!_ Jake thought, realizing they had goofed. "Well you see, Charlie, what I meant to say was Bella was sitting out here with us when we started to play and then got tired. I guess she was just so exhausted, she didn't notice she was still holding Quil's shirt," he tried to explain before Quil could speak.

Jake forgot that the only thing to keep Quil's mouth shut was hotdogs and even that wasn't a guaranteed silencer.

"I don't mind, Charlie," Quil answered, walking over to where the Chief was standing.

"I mind," Charlie bellowed. "I mind a helluva lot that you two boys are lying to me. Jake just said he didn't come out here 'til after Bells fell asleep and now it was she got sleepy and went inside with your shirt? Do I look like a moron to you, boy?"

"No," Quil answered honestly. "You look more like a pissed-off dad."

Jake groaned and took a few steps away as Charlie's blood pressure sky-rocketed. Quil stood his ground as the Chief advanced on him.

"I am a very pissed-off father at the moment, Qent. Why is my daughter in possession of your shirt?"

Quil just shrugged. "It was hot and I took it off. Is she really using it as a pillow?"

"Boy, I want you and Jake to leave. NOW! If you ever spend any time with my daughter again, you will not, under any circumstance, take your clothes off in her presence. You got me?"

Quil nodded in understanding, far from agreement. Charlie continued to eye him distastefully while speaking to Jake. "I expected you boys would go in to keep her company. What I didn't expect was for you to lie to me about it after being confronted red-handed. What do ya think Billy will have to say about that?"

Jake hung his head in shame. Billy would probably make him mow their two acre yard with dull scissors. "I'm sorry, Charlie. It won't happen again."

Part of the drive back to La Push, Quil blabbed on and on about how smart he had been to leave something of his for Bella. Heck, maybe she'd even sniff it for a bit and get more used to those types of gestures.

Then he remembered he didn't have anything of Bella's to sniff during the time he wasn't with her. To Qwar, it was a sad ending for the day.


	4. Duplicity

A/N: Beta'd by Bragi151.

* * *

Sunday morning found Quil ass-up, dead asleep in his bed. He never had grown out of his childhood sleeping position: hunched over, knees drawn, head resting on his forearms and his bare butt viewable to anyone who had the misfortunate to walk in. The soft knocking on his front door was, by the grace of god, enough to wake up the otherwise heavy sleeper.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just a fucking minute!" Quil hollered, rolling off of the bed and onto the floor. He debated whether or not he should put something on before answering the door. It wasn't like he had anything different than the rest of the pack, but there had been that time Paul had awoken him by throwing a rabid squirrel at his head. It was best not to tempt fate with a broader and more sensitive target.

Tousled hair, Transformers boxers and nothing else, Quil rubbed himself while walking to the front of the house, wondering where the hell his parents were. Without a second thought, he threw open the door and was met with the last thing he had expected and most often thing he had dreamed of in the past twenty four hours: Bella Swan, dressed in a red tank-top and shorts.

"Uhh, hi, Quil," Bella greeted him in her quiet voice. "Did I wake you up?"

"Umm, yeah, but that's okay," Quil answered brightly. "Way more than okay," he clarified as more of his body woke up with him. "Do you want to come inside?" Throwing open the door, Quil reached out to drag his imprint inside, frowning when she stepped back.

"Oh, I, umm," Bella stuttered slightly, suddenly unsure as to how to proceed. Sighing to clear her thoughts, she rushed on, "Actually, Quil, I was wondering if you could, maybe, come out here to spend some time with me? I mean, I have something I wanted to practice but…" trailing off again, Bella looked uncertain.

Quil really didn't care what the hell she wanted to do as long as she was willing to do it with him around. The only awkward part was that the Optimus Prime of his boxers seemed to be outgrowing its chassis. If he stood there too much longer, not only would the 'engine' of Optimus be fully viewable but Quil would also be defying Sam's order about keeping his dick hidden until Bella took it out for him.

"Anything you want, Bella. Just let me grab some shorts and I'll be right out." Not even bothering to close the door, Quil left her on the porch while he ran back inside to find some, any type of clothing to throw on his lower half.

The first thing to appear in his dresser was a pair of green and purple plaid shorts; shorts that not only should've been tossed out a few years ago due to their small size, but also a few decades ago due to their style. Quil looked like he was dressed for a 1970's high school track team. He was only missing the polyester shirt and white knee socks. At least they kept the inner workings of Optimus hidden and contained for the moment.

Twenty three seconds later and Quil was back to his front door where he had left his imprint. With a satisfied grin, he shut the door and waited for her to either lead the way or explain what she required of him.

His look must have been enough. Bella dropped her gaze and tried to explain her odd visit. "Umm, Char—my dad, he bought me a toy and I need you to help me figure out how to use it?"

"A toy?" Quil breathed as if he had just been granted an all time pass to Santa's naughty work shop. "What kind of toy?"

"Can I…Can I just show you first?" At Quil's nod, Bella looked around for something. Finally she started to walk around the side of the house, Quil trailing after her like the damn puppy he was. Just before they reached the back, she stopped and held up her hand in front of his chest to stop him.

"Okay. I need you to stand right here until I say you can move. Then I want you to go around the corner, and you'll see what I'm talking about?"

Nodding his head, Quil watched as Bella disappeared into his backyard. He listened intently, wondering what she needed to show him and prayed like hell it would take all damn day for him to have to help her figure it out. When she finally requested him to come forward, Quil all but ran to help his imprint out.

Quil's next thought was: _There is a god and he has blessed me._

Dressed in her alluring, naughty, skimpy, barely there, tank was Bella Swan. With a pogo stick! Qwar reared up causing Optimus to burst as they both watched Bella begin bouncing gently on the toy.

Softly panting at the exertion, Bella tried to explain. "Char—my dad thought this would be a good way for me to learn some coordination."

_Thank you chief!_ Quil mentally praised.

"But," Bella continued, "I don't think I'm going high enough. Could you help me learn how to bounce harder and higher?"

After that declaration, Qwar was the only thing to keep Quil from dropping to his knees and weeping in heavenly thanks. After a much needed but unwanted pep-talk from Qwar, Quil closed the distance in between him and his perking imprint. Stepping behind, Quil grabbed her hips, his hands copying the motion, the top of her ass just brushing the tops of his thighs.

"You've got a good start," Quil leaned down to whisper in her ear. "But let me help you gain some more distance." With a downward push, Quil could feel the results he had been seeking when Bella's upward thrust allowed her ass to slide up towards his waist before creating the same tempting journey back down.

Both Qwar and Quil nearly drooled as Bella's ass rubbed up and down his covered Transformer.

"Okay, Bella, now that you have a little more height, I think you need to squeeze your cheeks a bit as you go up and relax as you go back down." His hands slid lower to indicate the area. "It'll help with the momentum."

"Yes, Quil," Bella responded happily in between huffs of air. The tightening and releasing of her muscles could be felt extremely well by the oversensitive, over-horny, over-depraved wolf.

"Now," Quil crooked, barely holding on to the urges that kept him from stripping them both bare and having sex, "I'm going to let go of you and step around to the front so I can make sure you're pogo'ing correctly."

"You mean, I still might be doing this wrong," Bella asked in a slightly panicking voice.

"Never wrong," Quil assured her. "But we want to make sure you're doing this absolutely right." With a quick release and step, Quil positioned himself in front of Bella, the pogo stick between them. Unable to hold her hips but still wanting to remain connected, Quil wrapped his hands around her ribs. His eyes instantly dropped to her bouncing boobs.

"Am I doing good, Quil?" Bella asked again, waiting for the wolf to look at her and deliver a smile of assurance.

Quil never took his stare off of her cleavage. "Oh, yes, very well." Licking his lips, Quil tried to formulate the best way to achieve Qwar's current demand. "I'm going to help you bounce a little higher, though, to see if we can't reach ultimate bliss. Err, I mean ultimate best," Quil corrected, worried Bella might not be willing to continue this game if she thought Quil was turned on.

The hit to the head from two nights ago had apparently turned off all of Bella's common sense. Simply nodding her head and smiling in encouragement, she allowed Quil to bounce her higher, her breasts just centimeters from his anxious lips.

Qwar, tired of waiting, demanded that Quil grow a pair and put them both out of their misery by allowing Optimus to empty his pent-up cargo. Without caring how or why, or even bothering to ask, Quil agreed. Using his speed of the supernatural, Quil reacted on her next upward thrust, grabbing her top to yank it off and let those bouncing globes of tantalization smack his lips.

"Quil!" A voice sweetly called as the top was almost off, almost to the point of Quil being able to see. He knew this was Bella's way of telling him she wanted Quil to watch her bare, bouncing breasts; no way was she wearing any undergarments.

"Quil, what are you doing?" The voice screeched, morphing from erotic to demanding. He shook his head, the cloth of the red shirt covering his eyes.

"Quil! Get up and stop playing your video-games. You're going to wake up the whole neighborhood with noises like that. And stop jumping on your bed. What are you, five?"

Bolting upright, Quil realized that he was not part of some erotic pogo sex game with Bella but in his bed with his mom yelling at him. He was, however, bouncing strenuously, his hips pushing back and forth against his mattress. The red cloth was an old pillow case he had grabbed last night in honor of Bella's favorite color. Not that she would ever desire to actually see this particular pillowcase; Quil figured he'd have to wash it at least once a day.

As his rhythmic bouncing slowed, his dick's rigidness refused to go away and Quil cursed his mind for not letting him at least climax in the dream. It had been so perfect, the bouncing, jumping, and rubbing. His eyes fell to the pillowcase. As long as he needed to wash it again, he might as well make sure it was truly dirty.

* * *

A half-hour later and Quil was once again back at Jacob's window, tapping on his window. "Come on, Jake. Get up! Bella's concussion is a day old and she probably doesn't have any more of those drugs in her system. I bet she's awake." Bouncing slightly, Quil wondered if he'd be able to buy a pogo stick from somewhere nearby; his dream had clearly been a sign from the great imprint spirit.

"Quil, it's Sunday," Jacob finally whined, convinced he wasn't having a nightmare but that Quil really was outside. If Sam didn't amend the chaperoning order to only being allowed between ten a.m. and six p.m., Jake was going to hurt someone.

Quil's expression was that of a blind man being told to solve a Rubik's cube. "What the hell does that matter? It's not a school day, so I need to see my imprint while I can."

_This has got to stop!_ Jake mentally pleaded. Walking over to the newly repaired window, he threw it open, hoping Quil would just go away. "Bella has plans on Sundays. She doesn't like to have visitors today," Jake reasoned.

"She can't have friends over on Sundays? Jake that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of! Next you're gonna tell me she's religious." Stubborn face firmly in place, he waited for Jacob to get with the program and start his day as a chaperone. Nothing short of a hotdog festival would deter Quil from visiting Bella and even then he would happily take her along.

Eyes wide, Jacob attempted to sound as sincere as possible. "Yep, she's religious. She has church service on Sundays and part of the requirement is that she can't see friends."

"I still don't believe you." Quil studied Jacob carefully, looking for his tell at lying; there was none to be found. "What kind of religion does she study?" He finally asked, just to be sure Jacob wasn't lying.

I took all of Jake's self-control not to giggle. "She's Mormon. You know how they are; they all believe in all sorts of shit, werewolves too. It'll damn her soul if she visits with werewolves on Sundays."

"Mormon's know our secret?" Quil would've been less surprised if he had been told Bella had a secret pogo fetish. Actually, considering his prophetic dream, a lot less surprised…

"You idiot! Everyone knows about werewolves; they just don't have any proof, so people think they're crazy."

"Well," Quil drawled, deep in thought. "That kinda explains a lot. I mean, you'd have to be sort of religious wacky to date a vamp, right? Any sane person wouldn't do that; Bella was forced into it by her beliefs. I feel a lot better now, knowing she didn't really want a blood-sucker. She simply did it for her beliefs."

Forgetting that he had set this up, Jacob sputtered in disbelief. "Are you shitting me? What kind of crack-fic logic is that?"

"You tell me," Quil retorted. "She's your friend and you claim to have known her forever. What kind of crack do Mormons do?"

Taking deep breaths, Jake calmed himself before he did something stupid like attempting to bodily launch at Quil through the window. Billy had promised him that if Jake pulled any more stunts like that, he'd have to paint the house using only fur and tail as a brush and NOT in werewolf form.

With a few more tempered breaths, Jacob decided to turn this back into a torturing-Quil conversation. "Did you know that if you convert, you're allowed more than one wife?" Jake asked Quil, an evil smile playing at his lips.

"No way," Quil breathed out, suddenly going still envisioning multiple red-laced lingerie female figures in his bed. Just as suddenly, Qwar came online. "Damn it, Jake! That's just messed up. You know as well as I do an imprinted wolf can't get it on with any female other than his mate. What kind of cruel irony is that?"

"The kind that doesn't allow you to see your imprint on Sundays. Now go away." Slamming his window closed, Jake stalked back to his bed hoping that Quil would somehow disappear, never to be heard of again.

After a few more attempts to get Jake to come outside, Quil gave up all hope. Jake was kind of a stickler for the rules and if he said Bella couldn't have visitors on Sunday, then it must be true. Kicking pebbles all the way back to his house, Quil consulted with Qwar on the necessity of making his dating approaches Mormon-worthy. Even ants scurried away in fear as words such as "lambs", "mushroom ravioli" and "WD-40" were heard being uttered from the wolf with two voices.

* * *

Bella spent most of Sunday morning lying in bed and willing her headache to go away. She was worried when Charlie had come home last evening, asking questions about Quil, was he considered a friend like Jake, and if Bella thought he might be coming over more often. As much as she wished it otherwise, Bella was more than 100% sure Quil would be making frequent visits especially after Jake had stopped by for a few minutes. Her thoughts told her that was a very bad idea while her body lightly hummed its own tune, reminiscent of the chiseled face, somewhat easygoing personality and the well-toned, rippling muscles.

The most astonishing thing was that she somehow ended up with Quil's shirt smooched under her head as a pillow. When Charlie's gruff voice had awoken her, she had sat up suddenly, confused and unsure of where she was. Her dad had taken one look at her and decided that she was in no shape to cook. Turning on his heel, he had gone into the kitchen to order a pizza. Stretching her arms wide and out to her sides, her fingers tangled into the material. Blinking sleepily she had picked up the shirt, staring at it mindlessly, listening to Charlie order a small veggie for her and some type of PETA nightmare for himself.

Hearing Charlie walk back into the den, Bella panicked as the thread-bare garment became recognizable. If Charlie saw her holding a guy's shirt, it would be over for her. He'd spend the next two weeks talking about making the right choices befitting a young lady and then set up a ride along with one of his cop buddies from Port Angeles to go out on calls concerning teenagers. According to Charlie, nine times out of ten, those calls were linked to a teen-mom.

"Hey, Bells, the pizza'll be here in about twenty. You wanna watch some T.V. together with the old man? I think E.T. is supposed to be on tonight," Charlie remarked stepping into the den. His features snapping into cop-mode the minute he saw her.

Bella, in all of her uncleverness, had shoved Quil's shirt under her shirt, resulting in a squishy, pseudo-looking beer belly. Placing her arms around it to hide the evidence as it were, she shook her head before stopping and then nodding. She really did like the movie E.T., had even convinced Renee to buy her an old speak and spell at a garage sale when she was younger. The problem was, that particular movie had a few cop scenes in it. Charlie was like a drunk frat-boy whenever those types of things were aired. He'd yell, scream and call out every foul action they made, even going so far as to grade them like he was an instructor. It had taken Bella a week to clean off all of the popcorn butter coated on the screen when Terminator had dared to come on.

What she really wanted to do was vault up the stairs to stash the shirt and contemplate the link between it and the funny feelings her heart was projecting. Among other body parts.

The night had gone relatively okay considering Bella had accidentally changed the channel at the first cop scene (for once her clumsiness worked in her favor) and then again, later in the movie, she had engaged in a coughing fit requiring Charlie to move and get a glass of water accompanied by a thirty minute lecture on the dangers of smoking.

By Sunday afternoon, while Bella sat on her bed, talking to Quil's t-shirt (the half-life of Demerol is only four hours) she nearly jumped out of her skin when Charlie yelled for her.

"Bella, you got a visitor," he announced up the stairwell. The sudden thumping of her hitting the floor resulted in both of the guys shaking their head. That was Bella for you.

Two minutes later and she was tripping down the stairwell landing in heap at the bottom with a smirking Jake.

"Geez, Bells. Trying to visit the ER again this weekend?"

"No. I just missed the last stair, that's all." Giving Jake a scowl, she started up at him. "Well? Are you going to help me up or spend your time talking me from up there?" Holding out her hand, Bella gasped as the youngster pulled her up and off the floor a few inches before setting her feet back on the floor.

"Quil's gonna hurt you," Jake muttered under his breath. Most of the human population was small compared to the wolves, but Bella was exceptionally petit and Quil was rough. Jake had no doubt that if given the chance the imprinted wolf would accidently cause his imprint some type of bodily harm.

"You want to go for a walk or something?" Bella asked, spotting Charlie's blunt behavior of watching them. Not even pretending he wasn't eavesdropping, Charlie supported himself against the closest door frame, sipping some coffee and studying Jake.

"Yes, please," Jake practically begged, eyeing the cop. Sooner or later, if he hadn't already, Charlie was going to realize that Quil not only had a thing for Bella but that he wasn't normal and that was excluding Quil's ability to simultaneously lap water and whiz on a dandelion five feet away. The more time they had to spare Charlie that injustice, the better for all man-kind.

It was a few blocks and a dozen over-the-shoulder glances before Jake finally spoke up. "Do you know why Quil came over yesterday, Bella?"

"He's your friend and pack mate. I didn't think he needed a reason." The question didn't really worry Bella but she did get the feeling Jake was keeping something from her.

Avoiding her unasked question, Jacob pushed forward. "Would it upset you if Quil came over more often?"

_Okay, they were going to talk about mundane things first…"_No, of course not," Bella nonchalantly answered. "Why?"

_She won't blame you Jake. Spit it out!_ "Bella, I don't know how to tell you this."

"Jake, just say it; you're scaring me. I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything."

He still didn't have the proverbial balls to just say it. "Okay, so remember how I told you werewolves imprint?" Jake finally hedged, hoping Bella would understand and move on to another topic.

Bella just laughed. "Of course I do, Jake. You said that a wolf imprints on the person he's destined to spend the rest of his life with and…" Bella trailed off, looking like she was about to cry. "Oh," she whispered, the pieces finally making sense.

"Yeah, 'oh' is right." Taking a deep breath, Jake looked at Bella dead on. "This doesn't change a thing, though. I'm still your best friend and always will be. If you ever and I mean ever need me, all you have to do is call and I'll come over."

"I know you will, Jacob. I still love you." Standing on her tip toes, Bella reached up to give him a hug. When he had lifted her up, she whispered softly into his ear, "And you can bring Quil if you have to; I don't mind."

Sniffling and laughing, Jake set her back down. "Well, I'm glad you're okay with this then. I still love you too and if for any reason it doesn't work out, or you don't want it to, I'll always want you."

Happy to see her friend smiling and laughing, Bella joined in as well. "Don't you think Quil might want to have a say in that first?"

"I'm sure he would, but it's not his opinion that counts."

"Oh," Bella repeated, slightly confused again. "It's only a one-way street?"

"Didn't I tell you?" Scrunching his eyebrows together, Jake repeated what Sam had shared with the pack a few months ago. "A wolf can imprint, but his imprint doesn't have to accept the bond."

"And did you…accept it?" Bella asked.

"No, not yet." At Bella's look of sadness, Jake clarified, "I mean, I will. I just need some more time and sh-stuff. What about you? Have you accepted it?"

"It's kinda fast, Jake. I mean, I'm just now finding out and after all the years we've been friends…" Bella had to clear her throat at Jake's look of hopefulness. "I just need some time too."

"Take all the time you need, honey. There is no rush and Quil will understand," Jacob assured her, lying through his teeth. Quil wouldn't understand a damn thing, even if it was spelled in hotdog buns. Bella didn't need to know that, though.

As the two walked back to her house, Charlie calmly put away the scope for his rifle. Some might have thought he had been spying, but Charlie knew he had make sure his work equipment was fully functional and if it happened to coincide with his attempts at reading lips, so be it. No harm yet.

* * *

Renee called that evening and with her quirky, oddly questioned themes, managed to weasel out of Bella that a boy was interested in her. Since Bella's last boyfriend had ditched her in the forest longer than six months ago, Renee felt it was more than perfectly acceptable for this new, unnamed hottie to be the rebound guy.

"Just have fun, Bella. It's not like you have to marry the guy. Go out and live a little and when you're bored, or find someone more interesting, move on," Renee instructed her hesitant daughter.

"Mom, that's a little harsh, don't you think?"

"Not at all. Goodness you're still young, sweetie. Nobody expects the next boyfriend who walks through your father's door to be your soul mate," Renee laughed delightedly.

Bella could only cringe at her mom's casual reference to soul mates. The poor woman had no idea how close to the truth she was. The sad part was, even if Bella had held a brief glimmer of romantic interst with Quil, it would never happen. How could it? Her best friend had already imprinted on _him_.


	5. Chorus Line

Monday at school was another freak-show-fest, everyone wanting to know how Bella had managed to hurt herself this time. Well used to the bluntness and crudeness of comments, Bella ignored it all. By the time the last bell rang, she trudged out to her truck and slid/bumped her head/ouched into her truck cab to head home.

Quil was waiting on the doorstep of her house, grin-of-doom firmly in place.

"Bella," he hooted once he heard the dying engine of her vehicle. Jumping up to open her door before the truck was even in park, Quil startled Bella causing her to forget to engage the break. Without his quick reflexes, Quil would've suffered a crushed foot.

"Sorry," she mumbled when the truck was finally still and turned off, all feet safely accounted for.

Quil eagerly jumped back to her side to pull open the hundred pound tetanus-hazard known as a door. The sniffing ceremony started instantly and rather than argue, Bella let Quil carry her to the front porch. Clearly, this was somehow tied to the imprint? Bella didn't want to embarrass anyone and just assumed it was Quil's way of making sure she hadn't had too much contact with Jake. Lying in his arms, her female parts started to tingle in a subtle reminder. Caught up in the feeling, she didn't even notice that Quil had unlocked the door and they were both inside until he sat down with her on the couch.

She felt slightly panicky as Quil appropriately groped her; a feat that if Charlie had been present, he would've had Quil hog-tied and…no, that wasn't it. The restraint measure resembled a trussed up pig but Charlie had explained it was called something else…hobbit tied? No, something close, though. In any event, the end result would be Quil generously dowsed in OC spray. Bella never had really forgiven Charlie for showing her that particular stunt; her Cabbage Patch doll hadn't been the same since.

"Hey, Bells," Jake greeted Bella as he came in through her front door thirty seconds later, Quil's hand guiltily roaming up her back. He stopped moving but didn't recede.

Jake suddenly appearing in her living room was more surprising than Charlie dancing in a tutu. The look of retribution Jake shot Quil had Bella panicking all over again. She was getting felt up by his boy? His wolf? His man? His lover? Oh god, what the hell was Quil to Jake again…his imprint? Yes, that was it. She tried to relax her features so Jake wouldn't be able to read her anxiety, forgetting that Quil could feel it and not knowing about Qwar or that the alter ego was whispering certain incentives to Quil involving Cherry-flavored jam.

"Hi Jake. Happy to see you finally caught up with me, ya old slow-poke," Quil taunted. Both boys had gone to school today, Quil talking non-stop about coming to see Bella. Sam's command hadn't been specific enough and knowing that Jake would eventually show up; Quil had ditched out fifteen minutes early of his last class to race to Forks. It looked as though Jake had only been a few minutes behind him in the ditch effort.

Growling, Jake began a slow stalk towards the other wolf. Quil reciprocated.

"Don't growl at me while I'm holding my girl, Jake," Quil commanded, somewhat pleased that on at least one issue, he could dictate to Jake.

"You left without telling me, Quil. Sam was very specific about you leaving La Push. Alone," Jake inundated for emphasis.

"Well, I figured you'd be smart enough to figure out where I was going. And look! You had no problem getting here or finding me even though technically I was never lost."

Bella stared in shock as Jake stopped advancing, frowned and shook his head. Turning to her, Jake gave a rueful smile while mouthing "I'm sorry" causing Bella to think hard about what was going on.

_Why had Quil called her "his girl"? What the heck was Jake sorry about; she was the one feeling up his imprint? Why would her body not stop tingling!_ A mental break-down was either fast approaching or in full-swing, Bella finally concluded.

"As you can see, Bella is fine," Quil shot at Jake before returning to his imprint. "How's your head?" He asked, breaking into Bella's confusion.

Blinking rapidly, she stared dumbly at Quil in hopes of deciphering what his question meant. It wasn't until Quil pointed out her bandage that she answered, "Better."

"Really?" Quil lit up. Jake had been going on about how a head injury would take months to overcome; clearly this was a well-hidden lie. "You're all healed up?"

"I…uhh..it feels okay except for a little tenderness. But the doctor said it would take a week or two before the stitches can be removed." Truthfully, Bella couldn't remember if the doc had said that or not. But she was used to stitches and that was the usual time frame for such things.

"So what are we going to do today?" Jake asked with hesitation, slumping down into a nearby chair. Watching Quil, he realized that Qwar was just beneath the surface

Bella, having no clue how to entertain Quil began to slightly panic. She had no idea what teenage guys liked to do. That statement wasn't entirely true; Charlie had dropped enough hints, subtle and not so much, about the types of things guys wanted to do. Bella didn't think any of those references would apply here and now as Jake was in the present company of his imprint. Besides, she wasn't a flake; even if Jake wasn't imprinted she wouldn't be doing anything like that with Quil despite her body's hum of pleasure.

"What do you think of pogo sticks?" Quil asked in unabashed fascination, ignoring Jake who was hiding his face in his hands.

Still in Quil's lap, she tried to twist around, stopping when Quil's hands fell into her lap all pogo confusion vanishing.

Gosh, they were really big hands. Jake had big hands too, but Bella's mind wasn't fantasizing about that particular wolf. Jacob's throat clearing brought her back to the present.

"I'm sorry, Quil, what?" She asked, refusing to look either Jake or Quil in the eyes. "Oh, right, pogo sticks. Umm, I don't know…they're kind of bouncy?"

Qwar jumped in response, making Quil rock on the couch and allowing Bella to slide back and forth a few times in his lap. "They are kinda bouncy, aren't they?" whispered Quil, his breath on the back of her neck reminding Bella that she should probably move.

"Yeah, they are," she whispered before clearing her throat. "Can I get up now?" Bella asked, avoiding the peculiar looks from Jake.

Quil just shook his head as he readjusted Bella's position. "Not yet; I have a very important question to ask you," The silence that followed caused Bella to internally squirm. Would Quil finally admit acceptance to Jake, thus casting away any friendship claims she might have once had with her best friend?

"When can we go on a date?"

Had Quil not been firmly holding Bella, she would've fallen off his lap. "You want to date me?" she asked in surprise.

This was not the Quil she knew and judging from the look on Jake's face, he didn't know this person either. She wanted to cry at the thought of Quil tormenting Jake like this; did the man have no feelings for his friend? There was no way she could ever go on a date with Quil while he left Jake hanging. Even if Quil decided to reject the imprint, Bella wouldn't date him on the sole principal that Jacob came first.

Even if Quil had such remarkable hands…

"Well, me and Qwar…" he began to explain, failing to notice Black jumping up from his seat to manhandle him. "Ow, Jake!" Quil hollered as he was roughly pinched on the ear.

"Shut the fuck up about Qwar!" Jake hissed to him, quickly returning to his seat. At the look of puzzlement from Quil, Jake nodded to Bella. She probably wouldn't have even understood who Qwar was, but Jake didn't want to his best friend to go completely insane when she realized her wolf was channeling Lizzie Borden.

_A date?_ Bella thought quietly failing to notice the movement of her friend_. What the heck was a date?_ She had gone on family outings with the Cullens and had even gone to a dance against her will with one Cullen in particular. But she had never dated. The concept was as odd to her as the sudden fascination of hands, one of which was caressing her leg.

Rubbing his ear while Jake resumed his seat, Quil amended, "Me and Sam have been doing some thinking. Apparently we don't have a normal imprint relationship and it looks like we're gonna have to do this the new way."

"What's wrong with the old way?" Bella asked before mentally slapping herself. Of course there wasn't an old way for a male to male imprint. Or, if there was, the council had not bothered to share such things with Sam. Had they? Suddenly, Bella felt like a pervert; it was none of her business.

Quil just waved his hand in a 'moving on' type gesture. "It's old-fashioned and I don't think it applies to us at all."

"Meaning?"

"Quil, don't!" Jake hissed, knowing this scene was about to detonate like a grenade with Qwar holding the pin.

"Jake," Quil began in a falsely patient voice. "You're the one who said I needed to be more honest and explain how this stuff works. None of the other imprints are denied that; why should Bella be any different?"

Before Bella could question what the heck her involvement had to do with an imprint, Quil went on to explain. "See, normal imprints are just automatic. The girl sees her stud and while the wolf is drooling about hitting the jack-pot, the girl," Quil indicated, pointing to Bella as if she had forgotten she was female, "has already mapped out their life and is ready to perfect doggie style in the closest bushes."

"Oh my god, Quil! I'm a wolf and I'm scarred by that explanation. A little class, please!" Jake begged. Quil just ignored him.

"Now, if you wanna try it that way, I'm all for it, Bella. Hell, you don't even really need to say or do anything…well, except say yes and take my dick out for me. I'd take it out for you, but Sam said I wasn't allowed to. Come to think about it, he seems to be under the impression that wolves can remove certain body parts. I don't know where he comes up with this shit and I told him it was a bad idea, but he wouldn't listen. So, if you really want to go the old-fashioned way, and trust me, I am more than okay with that, tell me now and I'll call Sam so he can hear you say it. That way Jake can go home and I'm free to get naked for you."

The silence following that statement would've been deafening except for the harsh gasping and wheezing coming from one shocked imprint, Bella.

"Shit, does she have asthma, Jake?" Quil questioned in between sniffs. Qwar whined at this thought, thinking of the limited amounts of sex they might eventually be able to get from an asthmatic.

"You're a real ass-wipe, you know that Quil? You just asked your girl to fuck you," Jake spat out in werewolf volume. Due to the sniffing, he couldn't exactly remove Bella from Quil's lap. Nevertheless he sat next to them, slightly twisting Bella so she could hunch over.

As shocked and uncouth as he was, Quil at least had the decency to continue the conversation at a lower frequency. "Shut up, Jake; we're werewolves not mind readers." Pausing to remember that they could in fact see into each other's mind while in wolf-form, he shrugged it off. "If I don't ask, how am I supposed to know, huh? And I already explained the sex thing; if it's wrong for me to ask then Sam shouldn't have Alpha-fucked me by making me play charades with my imprint."

Bella's gasping and hyperventilation, while not decreasing also wasn't increasing. She knew she was still sitting in the lap of a man who had just offered her sex and that her best friend was right beside her as well. The room was otherwise silent to her and Bella wondered if they were issuing visual death threats to each other.

The wolves were far from silent though. "Put Bella down so I can kick your ever-loving ass, Ateara! I've never heard such a lame ass attempt to get laid and that includes the memory of Paul pretending he was blind so he could feel up those waitresses from Hooters on one of his trips to Seattle."

"That's not fair, Jake, and you know it. Paul out right lied to those girls so they would fuck him; I haven't done that with Bella. If anything, I should be commended for being straight in my feelings." Quil had been gaining volume; by now his voice was weak whisper but Bella had heard.

Quil was rejecting Jacob because he was straight; a thought which sent those naughty tingles back through her. The feeling was quickly dampened as she realized that this meant Jacob had determined in the past twenty four hours that he was gay, and at some point had asked Quil to reciprocate that type of bond. Bella could only imagine the pain Jacob was feeling at having been turned down.

When her head stopped whirling and her breathing didn't sound quite as bad as a recent attempt to suffocate an elephant, Bella decided she needed to intervene before someone physically got hurt.

Mentally she prepared how to address this_ flagrante delicto_ of Quil's.

_Quil, while I appreciate the offer…_

No, that sounded like she wanted to go outside to desecrate the nearest bush. Her body's tingling told her that was a marvelous idea but Bella knew better.

_Thank you for wanting to defile a nearby bush with me_…

Bella wanted to slap herself; she could do better than that, although, her nerve endings seemed to celebrate at the idea of feeling mother nature brush against her naked flesh.

_I am horrified you'd ask me that in front of the love of your life…_

That one had merit and with a little fine-tuning, firmly ignoring her body, she proceeded to inform Quil of his transgression.

"Quil, while most girls might be flattered at such an offer, I can't believe you'd do that to Jake!" Outrage in place, Bella ignored the increased thumping of her heart and sweaty palms. She had run with vamps; surely she could turn down a werewolf's advances.

"Jake has nothing" _sniff_ "to do with this, Bella." _sniff sniff sniff_ "He's not allowed to touch you like that." _sniiiiiiiiiffff. Yeah, she was okay, _Quil thought, giving a mental shove towards to Qwar to stop worrying him like that anytime Bella's heart rate increased.

Bella scrambled off of Quil's lap, and still feeling an innate amount of outrage—not from the sniffing, but the words—she stood to the side of him with her back to Jake. "Quil, what in the world is wrong with you? Of course Jacob doesn't want to touch me like that; I'm not his imprint."

Her voice had cracked in pain of her best-friend not being able to get what he really wanted and Jake wrapped his arms around her from behind. "Bella, honey, I'm sorry. If I could have controlled the imprint, you would have been my girl. I told you that yesterday."

Qwar eyed those offense arms like dingle berries and urged Quil to move forward and rip them off!

Quil had another agenda. "What the hell were you doing here yesterday, Jake? You told me Bella wasn't allowed visitors on Sunday. I'm gonna have to kick your sneaky ass if you're hurting my girl's attempt to get into heaven."

Bella's own inner turmoil was ahead of her ability to hear what was being said. "Jake, I know what you told me yesterday, I…" turning back around to Quil, Bella tripped over her words as someone else's outrage became apparent to her. "What the heck do you mean, 'attempt to get into heaven'?"

Her eyebrows furrowed together like mating caterpillars before her mind came to the most illogical conclusion. "Oh god, you guys found another vampire didn't you?" Hysteria set in all over again. If both wolves hadn't been supporting her, Bella would've sunk to the floor in a heap of femaleness.

"Now see what you've done? You've upset her. Way to go, Jake."

"Me?" Jake raged, pointing to his chest before pointing back at Ass-hat Quil. "I'm not the one who threatened her best friend. I'm not the one who made her hit her head on a rock at the beach and then watched her smack her head again in the ER cause I thought looking like Pinhead would cheer her up.

"Don't blame this imprint stuff on me," Quil huffed indignantly. "You were the one that ran off with her as soon as you realized what had happened. You didn't even give me a chance to explain; hell it wasn't even really your place to tell her to begin with and yet you went ahead without even asking me what I thought about it."

All shape shifters were bred with the talent of indignation, a fact proven as Jake continued the conversation.

"Because you were too busy trying to molest her when she passed out. If you had stopped to think-"

"Shut up!" Bella finally yelled, gaining the attention of the two hot-heads. She may be a basket case at the moment, but none of their present argument had anything to do with the most important topic at hand. "I don't know whose right it was to tell me anything, nor do I care. I need to know about the vampire."

Silence reigned as both wolves took in deep breaths to assess the nearby vicinity. "What vampire?" Jacob finally asked, just as confused as Quil was. Qwar was busy plotting where the best place would be to bury Bella like a cherished bone. Once the nasty vamp threat was gone, he'd go unearth her for a good lick and chew.

"I don't know; that's what I'm trying to figure out." Squirming out of her captors' arms again, Bella went to sit in a nearby recliner by herself where she could think of things other than heated hands. "Quil said you were trying to save my soul. I can only assume that means I'm in mortal danger."

Quil knew Jake was embarrassed to have been caught in a lie and he pressed the advantage by answering his imprint. "What Jacob doesn't want to say is that he told me yesterday we couldn't come visit you because you're religious and weren't allowed to see friends on Sundays."

"Why would he do that?" Bella asked unbelievingly. Looking at the wolf in question, Jacob couldn't help but hide his smirk.

"Because he didn't want me to tell you about the stipulations to the imprint and thought he could do it his own way, not bothering to include me," Quil bluntly stated, unamused.

That one stung, causing Jake to inhale sharply. Imprints were always told in front of a collective wolf group and while usually the wolf who had imprinted got to deliver the message, nobody of this pack, or even the dead Spirits of the last ones, thought Quil delivering such a statement was a good idea. "Well thanks to your big-mouth, she now knows all about Sam's stipulations. What's next Quil? Are you going to tell her about your quest to find her an aardvark?"

"I told you that in secret," Quil lashed out. True, he hadn't said those exact words about snagging an aardvark, but Jake must have been able to correctly read Qwar's gleam. "God, Jake, could you ruin all of my surprises for her? You're the one who said-"

"Wait!" Bella cut in. "I'm a little bit confused here." Unlike every other normal human being on the planet, she avoided the aardvark issue, deciding that the lesser was more important. "Jake, were you supposed to tell me about the imprint with Quil present?"

"Under normal conditions, yes," Jake explained hesitantly, trying not to mentally dwell on ant eaters. "But I felt that under the circumstances, you might have freaked out. I didn't want you to feel intimidated just because Quil was present or felt obligated to comply."

"So the offer of sex from Quil was because of the imprint?" Her brows began the mating ritual again as she tried to incorrectly work out the reasoning.

"Yeah," Jacob drew out slowly, wondering what the hell was going on.

_Maybe she didn't understand because of her stint with the vamps? They couldn't breed, why would they have sex to begin with?_ Bella had to see that being with a wolf, even one as morally wrong as Quil, was a better option… "Why else would he have been so blunt about finding a bush with you?"

Finding a bush with Bella, or even finding her bush, sounded like a grand idea to Qwar, but momentarily he wasn't allowed to volunteer his thoughts. The red flushing she was starting to grow however would definitely need a sniff. One…Two…Three…

"I don't know, Jake," Bella answered as her blush bloomed. Suddenly she squeaked as Quil started to come over then sat back down on the couch as if he was engaged in a tug-of-war. When Quil held still for longer than twenty seconds, Bella continued, "You yourself said it's never happened before; what was I supposed to think?"

"Like I told you; that it's awkward and unusual."

"It is not awkward!" Quil pouted. "Even Sam said there is never anything awkward about finding your soul mate. Just cause it's never happened with an outsider doesn't mean it's awkward."

Bella nearly choked. "An outsider?" Casting her eyes back and forth frantically from wolf to wolf the piece began to fit. "Jake, I thought…you said…"she couldn't finish as her asthmatic hyperventilation set in again.

Bending over, Jake began to rub her back in a comforting gesture. "Bells, it's gonna be okay. We'll get through this, I promise."

In a moment of clarity, Bella found her voice. "You told me Quil was your imprint!"

"Whaaa-NO! I didn't." Startled, he stood back up, looking around for the accuser of such a thing and noticing the dark look firmly etched on Quil.

"Some friend you are, Jake," he spat in aggravation. "Trying to steal my imprint from me."

"I didn't try to steal anything, Quil. I think it's time you just told her point blank."

Both Qwar and Quil were feeling decidedly put out. Still glaring at Jake and not looking at his imprint, Quil said it as plainly as he could. "I thought you understood, Bella. I imprinted on you."

Once again, both wolves stood motionless as Swan passed out and slid off the couch, her head making a loud thunk as it hit the floor.

* * *

Notes:

FYI: Caterpillars don't play 'hide the cocoon' with each other in the traditional sense, but the wordage was too sublime to pass up.

_flagrante delicto _is often used to describe people being caught having sex. My understanding of the term, though, is that it means "in the act of committing a misdeed" which could also happen to be a precise definition of Quil. :D


	6. Mime Your Manners

"Hey, Billy, what's an imprint?" Charlie bellowed as he made his way through the Black's house to the kitchen. He hadn't meant to stop by on short notice, but had been unable to stop thinking about everything he had seen yesterday between Jake and Bella and the conversation that had taken place.

There was a crash, a string of obscenities and the sound of Billy's chair as he moved from the back of the house to locate his unexpected visitor. "A what?" He asked, attempting to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

Grabbing a coke from the fridge, Charlie just shrugged before turning around to meet Billy's curious look. "An imprint. I heard Jake saying something about it to Bells and I couldn't figure out what he was talking about. He kept saying 'Kwee' too, but again, I couldn't understand it. You okay? What was up with the crash and the swearing?"

"I accidentally ran over a spider and the crunching surprised me. I dropped the remote," Billy offered, too distraught to think up an adequate lie. "You heard Jake talking about an imprint?" Billy inquired, the shock and disbelief almost palatable. "When did this happen?"

Shrugging again, Charlie popped the top and took a swig of soda. He always knew those Quileutes were a bit looney about nature; the subsequent spider death proved that theory. He valued his friendship too much to actually comment about it, though, and decided to answer Billy's question. "The other day he came over to see her and they went for a walk. That's when he was talking about it."

"And you followed them?" That didn't sound right to Billy at all. If Charlie had followed Jake, he would've known he wasn't alone with Bella and would never have talked about the intricacies of an imprint.

Billy's expression changed from panicky dread to disgust. "Tell me you didn't use questioning tactics on your own daughter to find out what she and Jake were talking about?"

The look of shock on Charlie's face was enough to confirm his suspicions. "Damn it, Charlie! That shit was funny when it was just us guys and you showed us the way cops often confuse suspects."

Charlie held up a hand to interrupt this irritated best friend, but Billy was on a roll –more like an incline considering the age of his house and constant movement of the wheelchair—and he wasn't about to be deterred.

" It was funnier still when you went on to show exactly how wrong and dangerous it can become when you had Harry confess that it was his fault he'd turned more American than Native American and his obvious use of Ajax dish soap was what had damn near wiped out the American Buffaloes…"

"Yeah, that was pretty funny," Charlie managed to cut in, smiling and reminiscing about that particular gathering. Clearwater had become over distraught at Charlie's game of questioning and in a fit of falsely placed guilt, had admitted to being the 'Buffalo Killer' as he sobbingly told it.

"Of course," Charlie retaliated, remembering the rest of that night. "It wasn't me who convinced him to do penance by stripping naked and dancing the Tango around the grill."

Billy looked away guiltily, some of his anger draining away. "It wasn't solely me either, Charlie. Quil Sr. was a bit smashed also and had been itching to get back at Harry after losing in the football pool. Telling a Quileute to become 'one with the lands' and having Harry dance around the nearest thing to resembling a flame was all Senior's doing."

"Your buddy wasn't the one who accidently threw lighter fluid on the grill," Charlie hinted, mentally blocking the name Quil.

"Yeah, I'll admit to that, but by that point, ol' Clearwater was getting sloppy in his dance moves and if anything, it brought him that much quicker to realizing we were just yanking his chain."

Charlie just harrumphed. "In any event, I didn't torture Bella, nor did I follow them. I just sort of watched them."

"So how do you know he was talking about an imprint?"Billy asked again. Jake was too finely honed as a warrior not to have noticed another person in the near vicinity. Charlie's knowledge had to be from some technical advantage. "Did you finally install a hidden microphone into one of Bella's shoes?"

"Pssh, as if that would work! My daughter is accident prone, Billy. She'd probably end up electrocuting herself the first time she tripped in a puddle." The piercing look from the man in the wheelchair caused Charlie to volunteer, "I read his lips."

"And?" Billy asked, crossing his arms. He failed to believe it was as simple as that and knew Charlie would give up his secret if pushed.

"Oh, ok," Charlie relented after an intense stare down from the Tribal Chief. "They went out for a walk and I was curious. Jake came alone, thank god. I don't think I'd have been able to remain sane if the Qore had tagged along."

"Chief," Billy began in a tone of voice hypnotists often engaged. "I want to know how it came to be that you not only spied on our kids during broad daylight, but that you also managed to read their lips without either one of them noticing."

The voice worked somewhat effectively, Charlie offering the basics as to what had transpired. "Bella always walks the same path when she takes her friends for walks, or she tries to. Jake hasn't caught on yet, but Bella's past romantic interest, Cullen, figured out that I could see them. By the third time he came over, the walks were different."

"Damn it, Charlie. I'm not drunk enough to listen to stories about Bella and Cornstarch," Billy bellowed, his reference to Edward causing Charlie to flinch a little. "Get back to where Jake fits in here."

Rattled, Charlie picked up where he had left off. "Yeah, so they took a walk. As it happens, if you stand at an 87 degree angle, looking southwest outside of my bedroom window, between blinds twelve and thirteen, you can see the neighborhood."

Mentally calculating, Billy tried to visualize Charlie's house in regards to the rest of his neighborhood. _Never Eat Shredded Wheat; second floor window facing south; subtract the three…_

"You cannot, Charlie," Billy accused, the picture forming fully. "Two houses down from you is your neighbor with the Elm tree. You said that it was huge monstrous blockage-"

"Was a huge monstrous blockage," Charlie interrupted, pleased with himself. "I cited him a few months back and now his Elm looks like a semi-truck drove through the foliage."

Billy could only stare in shock.

"What?" Charlie demanded. "I can't have trees in my town that could possibly interrupt cable and power lines."

"Or trees that preventive you from spying on Bella," Billy interjected wryly.

"True," Charlie agreed, relieved that Billy wasn't going to begin a nature lecture about the sacredness of trees. "But the good news is, I don't have to use that as my excuse if I were to be questioned about the current state of the tree."

Billy could only roll his eyes at Charlie's bureaucratic ideology. "That aside though, how did you see Jake talking? I realize he stands out like a Redwood, but you shouldn't have been able to read his lips from that distance."

With a feeling of ants in his pants, Charlie squirmed uncomfortably, refusing to meet Billy's gaze as he said, "Oh, well, as to that…I may have been fiddling with the scope on my gun."

"The scope? Billy asked blankly, looking at Charlie's side-arm before his wits returned causing him to inhale sharply. "You mean your riot rifle/sharp shooter?"

"What?" Charlie questioned, chuckling nervously, daring to finally look at his friend's hostile face. "Oh come one. It's not like it was loaded…"

At Billy's narrowed gaze, Charlie back tracked. "Okay, it may have been loaded. But it's not like I was aiming at Jake or anything and hell! I hadn't even cocked the trigger. No one would have gotten hurt."

"And what would you have done if Bella had put the moves on Jake and your daughter was suddenly engaged in sex?" The two men stared at each other before breaking out in laughter, relieving some of the tension. "Let me rephrase that," Billy suggested. "What would you have done if Jake had put the moves on Bella?"

"Assuming I could get the window open in time, I might have fired a warning," Charlie admitted half-truthfully.

"Warning, my ass, Chief! You'd have nailed the boy in his thigh and then I'd have to find a new law-enforcement drinking buddy to share teenage torture techniques with."

"Aren't you glad then that I didn't have to shoot anything? For future propriety, maybe you best have one of those 'talks' with the boy." Charlie's left eyebrow took a stance, remembering all of the nights him and Billy had discussed having to deliver the 'talk' with their children.

"I done had that talk with Jake several times already; he knows to wrap it good or else suffer the wrath of his dad."

"Nice parenting, Billy," Charlie dead-panned. "Next, you'll be telling me that you told him to always carry tic-tacs and travel-sized deodorant 'just in case'."

"Well, it is easier to interest a woman when you don't smell like road kill," Billy admitted roguishly before returning to his serious expression. "Back to the subject at hand, when did you learn to read lips?"

"I told you about that," Charlie nearly shouted in incredulity. Damn it was one of his finer stories yet.

"It was that time I had to do a drug stake-out in the 'burbs of Seattle? Turns out the ring-leader had hired part-time mimes. It was actually kind of clever; in broad daylight those yahoos could discuss their plans and the public was none the wiser. Hell they even did that shit outside with a pan at their feet. People walking by thought the shit was fun entertainment and would tip the sleazy bastards."

"Charlie?" Billy asked before his friend could ramp up on the details of his past. "You do realize that my people will laugh at me when I say that my best friend claims to have learned lip reading from drugged mimes, right?"

Finishing his soda and tossing the can into a nearby trash can, Charlie just laughed. "They might have been druggies, but they sure as hell weren't drugged when they were making deals." Straightening up from leaning against the counter top, Charlie gave one last pearl of wisdom with his unsuspecting friend. "The next time you're in the big city-witnessing a mime locked in a box- just remember: he's not feeling the sides of his confinement; he's relaying how many fivers he just sold and from what direction other interested parties are located."

"You are a strange one, Chief Swan. Only the white man could make something as innocuous as miming into a felony crime. Before you know it, you'll be regaling me with tales as to how old Tom and Jerry cartoons were secret messages of threat from infamous mob bosses."

"Huh," Charlie replied thoughtfully, all thoughts of immediately leaving vanishing. "I always pegged you for a Bugs Bunny type of guy."

"No," Billy answered, shaking his head sadly. "But I did favor Foghorn Leghorn. Yosemite Sam needed to be dropped a few pegs from his Texas Ranger status."

"Yosemite Sam was a brilliant cowboy. He should've…" trailing off, Charlie realized what he had just said. "I guess if I finish that sentence, I just might offend you."

Grinning broadly, Billy gave a mock war cry before responding. "You just might, indeed."

"Well since we've discussed my kid, drug trafficking and historical war crimes already, I think we need to discuss Jake."

"Nah, we're good," Billy answered performing a wheelie with his chair before turning back to his friend. "You already interrogated me about his habits; what else is needed to be said?"

"Saturday, when him and that Quaker came over—"

"—Quil," Billy corrected, rolling his eyes. Not that Charlie noticed.

"—Yeah, Qont. Anyways, your boy was talking about some new restaurant in Seattle, an Alpha's Order?"

Becoming perfectly still, Billy damn near had a heart attack_. What had his boy done! And how had Charlie managed to manipulate the conversation again?_

Charlie was smooth and he knew he was on to something. "Ahh, I see I have your attention now. At first I thought he was drug-messaging with Qually—"

"—Quil," Billy choked out, still trying to remember to act natural.

Charlie didn't comment, continuing, "-but I've never heard or read anything like that in the lingo briefings posted on the cops' message boards. I dug around a bit and wouldn't you know? There isn't such a restaurant to be found anywhere in the state."

"You don't say?" Billy asked, two octaves higher than he normally spoke.

"Oh, but I do. And add insult to injury, Jake mentioned your prime tracker, Sam."

"Sam's not a tracker, Charlie. You know that. He's just lived here all of his life and is partial to hiking and learning the lay of the land. Why, that night he found Bella—"

Charlie quickly broke that sentiment, not wanting to relive the horrors of thinking his daughter had been hurt, or worse, dead. "I know, Billy, and I'm eternally grateful that he did find Bella so quickly. But Bella told me a few months ago that Jake had hinted to Sam being part of a gang. And everybody and sundry knows that a gang leader would set himself apart with a title."

Billy gave Charlie a blank face, finally gaining control of his outward appearances and refusing to further acknowledge anything incriminating. Whatever had taken place a few days ago between Jake, Quil and Bella, somehow the police chief had gotten wind of it. Two of the three teens were soon to get a reprimand they'd never forget.

"So, I was thinking that Alpha would make an acceptable title," Charlie explained, looking for a way to catch whatever it was Billy was hiding. "You know? If there was some type of gang-related activity going on."

"Charlie, I have no idea where you come up with this fabled shit. Sam, an Alpha gang lord? Please, chief, you insult me and my people. Shall I call Sam over for our next visit? Perhaps you'd like to quiz him on his cartoon knowledge or his ability to adequately perform as a clown?"

"Now, don't get so riled, Billy," Charlie placated, noticing the stubborn set of his jaw. "It's not good for your health. I was just asking 'cause it seemed to be a bit weird to me. Jake's always been level headed and some of the shit he was saying wasn't his usual behavior."

"And I appreciate your concern, Charlie, I really do. We both know though that if you even suspected that Jake was in a gang or on drugs, you'd have him searched, stripped and tested before anyone could say 'face paint'."

The tension broke and Charlie let out a well deserved chuckle. "Okay, you got me. I probably would've. Maybe I've just finally intimidated him to the point that he can't function properly around me.

"That, Chief, I can readily accept. Now all we have to do is work on some more deliveries of such an intimidating man. Maybe you can come over next weekend?" Billy hinted. He couldn't handle any more of Charlie's spy tactics and needed time to formulate an attack strategy on Quil and Jake before they came home.

Straightening up to leave, Charlie grinned at the promise relieved that Billy wasn't overly upset. "Definitely, old man, definitely. Hey, thanks for hearing me out. I sometimes worry I'm missing something, being a single dad raising a teenage daughter and all."

"Anytime, Charlie. You know my door is always open and your welcome to stop by anytime." Trying not to push his friend, Billy herded him towards the front door. "Go home, relax and think of what's next on our agenda for the kids."

"Well, Bella's pretty innocent; we both know that," Charlie said, fishing his keys out of his pocket. "But I was thinking I could take Jake out to the county jail next month when they delouse the incoming druggies. Kind of give him an inside view of how bad drugs are and everything. There's not much worse than picking out bugs from a crack-head that spent the last week in a gutter somewhere."

Both Charlie and Billy's laughter could be heard as one left the house and the other planned. Charlie was definitely a sharp-tack, but Billy had managed to divert a near-crisis. No matter how many clown and mime stories Billy retold, he would be in severe trouble with his council if it became known that his son had been caught sharing tribal secrets with an outsider. Not even if the outsider was an imprint's parent and had secretive means to oversee.

Gently rolling back to the fridge, Billy went to grab a beer before deciding something a little stronger just might be in order. With a whiskey shot in hand, he tried not to grimace as it burned its way down his throat. The way things were developing now, if vampires didn't totally cease to exist in the next few decades, there'd be no way in hell to keep the wolves a secret.


	7. Hickory, Dickory, Glock?

A/N: Beta'd by ShadowPast620.

* * *

"Shit!" Jake screamed while Quil sat there slowly breathing in and out, both boys staring at the lump on the floor. At least her caterpillar eyebrows had detached. "This is a really bad habit we're forming, watching Bella hit the deck every time you open your damn mouth. Charlie's going to shove his Glock up our asses and pull the fucking trigger." Hysteria set in and Jake clamped a hand firmly over his mouth as the giggles started.

"Bella's dad is gay?" Quil exclaimed, immediate understanding flooding his system and soothing Qwar to a point. "Damn, no wonder she thought you and I were an item; her dad's like super macho and-"

"Glock, you fucking idiot, not cock! Charlie is not gay. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I should just leave your ass here, alone, to deal with Charlie on your own."

"No need to get so upset, Jake. It was an honest mistake. In case you hadn't noticed, I was little distracted," Quil huffed, pointing to his prone imprint.

His eyes narrowed in contemplation as Qwar muttered thoughts. "And what's up with the religion speak? I thought you already claimed that Bella isn't religious and that it was all some sick joke on me?"

"Quil! I don't have time for your crazy-ass thought process. In case you hadn't noticed," Jake parroted, his anger rising, "We need to be kind of busy, taking care of your imprint!"

Quil stared back and forth between the unconscious girl and his rabid best-friend. The need to help Bella was strong and Quil really wanted to. When he thought about it, though, why should he pick her up? All of her problems seemed to occur because she wasn't already on the ground. It was one of those 'Aha' type mental moments.

Are you just going to sit there, Quil?" Jake continued to scream while taking two steps to reach Bella. Swooping over, he gently picked her up to set her back on the couch next to her supposed imprint.

"Jake, calm down. If anyone has the right to be angry, it's me." Looking over at Bella and what was clearly another bruise forming on her temple, he amended, "Or her. Do you think this is going to set her healing time back any? I was hoping she'd be able to go out on a date next weekend."

"Enough!" Jake bellowed. "Damn Quil, all you think about is what you want, not giving a rat's ass about what anyone else wants, including your imprint and how she might, just might, be thinking that spending time with you could hurt."

"You'd like that you, wouldn't you? For me to be the first wolf whose imprint turns him away. Don't think I don't know that's what you were doing here yesterday after giving me the slip. You came over to state your case and try to worm your way into her heart so she'd forget all about me. I mean, she basically told us that you wanted her as your imprint and she damn near thought it was you that had imprinted on her not me."

"Were you not just sitting right there three fucking minutes ago when she said she thought we," Jake indicated, waving his hand between him and Quil, "had imprinted on each other?"

"All that tells me, Jake, is that you suck at convincing people of shit. It's not my fault she couldn't understand your back-stabbing tactics."

"I didn't back stab you!" Jake hollered. "I came over here to explain to Bella in a calm setting that you had imprinted on her. She doesn't do well with crowds and shit and I thought that springing something like this on her at a bonfire—cause, she didn't get it the first time at the beach—would only end up with her freaking out." From the need to be spiteful, he added, "And I was right. You showed up today and now look at her. She freaked out and is hurt. All I did was try to save her from that."

Quil's sarcastic laughter was not well met.

"You can't even save a person standing in a room with friends. Sam's definitely going to need to know about this and maybe have you do some extra patrols and training. You know, increase your response time and all that shit."

"It's not my damn job to protect your imprint, Quil, and I don't mean from vamps. She was sitting right next to you before head diving to the floor and you didn't even twitch! If my fucking response time sucks then so does yours."

"So, what? I'm a bad wolf cause I don't twitch? You got all over my ass when I was trying to dance and that's a lot closer to twitching than standing there like you're part of the wall."

Jake was beyond dumbfounded in both looks and thinking. This half-ass wolf sitting in front of him was not only placing the blame for an injured imprint at his feet, but was more concerned about dancing and twitching in time? The world ceased to exist.

Ill-placed youthful testosterone rage fell upon both Jake and Quil as the former took the latter with him over the couch and into the wall. Had a normal person been watching, they wouldn't have been able to see the two figures rolling and struggling about the room. They would, however, have thought the place was haunted as the walls shook, dents appeared and knickknacks fell from their places.

When the grunts and groans of the struggling men turned into snarls and growls, the fight migrated out into the yard. Ned *Nancy* Nippleburn stopped adjusting his bra strap to witness the scene of two wild animals tearing out of the police chief's house, down the front steps and to the side of the building.

"Do you see that, Eddie?" *Nancy* whispered to his teddy bear, holding it up in front of him. The teddy bear's dress straps fell off of the arms and *Nancy* hurriedly fixed it as he watched in horror and fascination, the two beasts roaring at each other and struggling across the ground. *Nancy* thought it was rather sexy.

"Now, now, Eddie, none of that," he replied as the stuffed toy shifted in his hands. "I know those look like bears, but I think they're dogs." Turning the stuffed toy to face him, *Nancy* stared deeply into the one eye.

"Oh, Eddie-teddy, I'd never judge you for wanting to admire a different species. You're just like me, you like big and rough." Sighing, he gently placed his friend back into the messenger bag that doubled as his purse.

"We should probably be on our way. The Chief will probably be home soon and we don't want to be associated with this mess in any way. No, Sir Bear, we don't." With a fluff of his wig, *Nancy* hurried his stilettoed step, eager to reach the diner. It was trucker's special night and he was determined to find a worthy one.

As the raging wolf fight continued, Qwar impatiently knocked on Quil consciousness, the sounds of a V-8 engine belonging to one, Forks; Washington Police Chief could be heard rumbling its way towards the Swan house.

Jake was nowhere near finished attempting to disembowel his pack mate and with a sharp snap of his massive jaws, used Quil's hesitation time to drag the slightly smaller wolf off into the woods. The grass swayed from disruption for a minute before becoming stationary, hiding all signs of the struggle that had just taken place.

Unaware and perfectly content, Bella—still comatose on her couch- began to dream about a sexy wolf fur coat that turned into a man with large, talented hands. Aside from the fact that they weren't currently attending to her, but were instead thrashing an equally sexy furred coat—this one was mink—Bella fantasized herself lying on a divan, waiting to gain the attention of the wolf fur.

As Charlie pulled into his drive way, still grinning over his visit with Billy, his smile slipped off of his face to be replaced with that of his cop look. He took in the presence of Bella's truck, what appeared to be remnants of a front door and wondered if it had finally happened and his work had come home for him.

Quietly radioing for dispatch to send another unit, he got out of his car, removing the keys but leaving the door open so as not to make unnecessary noise. He didn't need to check his gun for ammunition, but he did unclick the safety while approaching the steps, fully withdrawing the weapon before he crossed the threshold.

Charlie had lived in this house for nearly twenty years and knew it back and forth. There may have been blind spots, but he knew how to maneuver around to the best advantage and did just that, taking notice of his daughter's body immediately.

From where he stood, the room was clear and she wasn't visibly bleeding, meaning he had to establish if there were other hidden threats elsewhere before attending to her. After several minutes, Charlie had checked every crevice of his house and knew there weren't any lingering intruders in his home.

The only question left was: What had happened to Bella?

His feet took the stairs two at a time as he rapidly descended to the ground level of the house, back to where his child was.

"My god, Bella! Sweetie, did you fall down again? Oh, Jesus, are you okay?" Holstering his weapon, he reached out to check for a pulse, all the while his eyes roaming the damage of the room. Charlie wasn't usually a betting man, but clearly someone had been thrown into the walls several times, his first guess being that Bella had been the unlucky recipient.

He positioned himself to be able to attend to her while still maintaining eye contact with the doorway, relaxing slightly when he heard the siren wails fast approaching. When one of his deputies entered the house, Charlie waited until the man looked his way before saying anything.

"It's clear," he stated, addressing the deputy, watching as the man put his side piece back into its holster.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. I suspect that Bella came home and interrupted a robbery. Obviously the assailant beat her up and then left her here on the couch. I haven't been able to get her to wake up yet."

The deputy sucked in a sharp breath as he eyed the damaged walls and then turned to look at the girl on the couch. If she had been some sort of punching bag for these criminals then her wounds would be vast. She probably had a few broken bones and bruises.

Taking a closer look, she didn't look like she had been beat too badly. Her clothes didn't look as if they had been torn or ripped in any fashion to indicate a struggle and neither did the one hand, lying limply to the side. A person would have at least tried to defend themselves either from an attack or from impact. The deputy became nervous.

"Chief, did you look at her?" He asked, nodding the man's daughter.

"Not yet. I've only been on scene for a few minutes. Her breathing isn't distressed and aside from the welt on her head, she doesn't appear to be bleeding."

The usual chaos that results from calling emergency units to a residential house was doubled considering it was the town's own Police Chief. Another officer entered the house followed by EMT's carrying med-kits, again interrupting the conversation.

Charlie stood up and stepped away while the paramedics went to work. He inched closer to the deputy he had been conversing with earlier.

"Look, Chief, I know she's your daughter, but the fact that there has been some sort of attack and she isn't conscious, do you think that maybe…" The deputy trailed off. They were all trained for situations like this but to actually remind his boss what could've happened to the girl was awkward.

Charlie waited for the man to speak.

"Chief, does Bella have a… a boyfriend?" The deputy hesitantly asked, unsure if a yes or no answer would be better at this point.

"No. Not since that Cullen dick left, she hasn't been seeing anyone," Charlie replied, still watching the EMT's exam his daughter.

The deputy gathered all of his courage and tact to rush through an explanation to his boss. "Well, you know Deputy Harris's girlfriend works at the hospital and she mentioned the other night when Bella came in. Actually what the nurse said was Bella was half-carried in by some really big guy and that three others who looked like him showed up in the waiting room minutes later."

Charlie's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Spit it out. What are you trying to say exactly?"

"Is it possible that this attack was from some guy Bella might be seeing? Most attackers wouldn't put their victims on the couch and she doesn't have any defense wounds. Do you think she was knocked out first so that she couldn't fight or say no?"

"Fuck," Charlie hissed, the implication clear. Not for one minute did he think Jake had come over to sexually assault his daughter, but any other intruder could have.

"I don't know," Charlie finally admitted, thinking through all of the scenarios. "Once I get her to the hospital, I'll brief the doc on call and have him first check to see if she suffered any type of injury from being thrown. Either way, she'll have to be checked for a sexual assault, but at least if she wasn't thrown multiple times into the wall, we'll have a better understanding of what the assailant was here for.

Bella's dreams began to wane. The sexy coats were disappearing, the feelings of comfort going away with them. The sharp pungent odor suddenly assaulting her senses caused her to flinch and moan, her head aching and the world once again slightly spinning.

"Isabella, can you hear me?" A man's voice asked.

The sound scared her as she didn't know who it belonged to.

"Can you tell me your name?" It asked again as Bella fought to peel her eyes open. The light was unwelcome and stung as she stared at the collection of people in her living room.

"Do you know where you are?" The voice –which she realized belonged to a paramedic—asked her again as he stared at her.

"My living room," she answered, barely paying attention as the guy nodded. "What happened?"

"It appears that you hit your head on something and then passed out. Do you know how it happened?"

"No." Her answer was short and only somewhat honest. She couldn't say why she was laying on the couch surrounded by emergency personnel, or what had happened to Quil and Jake, if they had been there. Briefly she recalled words of an imprint being spoken and that she belonged to a wolf, but that easily could've been part of her dream and nothing to do with facts.

Charlie walked back over to his daughter, none to gently shoving the EMT out of the way. "Bells, do you know what happened to you? What did you hit your head on? Who hurt you?"

"I…what? I'm hurt?" Panicking, Bella breathed through her mouth, in case there was blood.

"Your head, sweetie," Charlie offered. "You either hit your head, or someone hit you."

Bella cringed when she brought her hand up to her forehead. Her head always hurt, but it never hurt from touching it unless she had fallen or tripped.

Seeing her wince of pain, Charlie began barking out orders again. "Bring in the stretcher and load her up. The faster we move, the more opportunity we'll have to catch whoever did this."

"Dad, I'm fine," Bella protested weakly from her spot on the sofa as a gurney was being set to the side of couch. The last thing Bella needed, or wanted, was another first class ticket to Forks General Hospital.

Charlie figured that Bella was delirious with pain and was just trying to put on a brave face in front of his co-workers. He dropped his voice to that patient Dad tone, the one father's used to talk to their four year olds when they were half-awake from a nightmare. "You don't know that, honey. You were passed out and could have been assaulted. I'm not taking any chances with you."

"Dad, I wasn't assaulted. I must have just tripped and broke a few things," she answered, yelping slightly when her body was slid to the stretcher.

"Bella, there is no way you managed to destroy three of the four walls in here, smacked yourself into unconsciousness and landed perfectly sprawled out on the couch."

Looking around again, Bella tried not to shudder as she studied the room's interior dents. They were kind of large and Bella knew that if she had been the cause of it, her body would hurt worse than it presently did and her head would ache even more so.

The look of surprise on her face while she studied the walls was enough to convince Charlie that his daughter had no idea as to what had happened to her. He was going to reassure her again when…

"Hey, Chief," one of his co workers interrupted. "Did you notice anything missing?"

"No, I haven't. Aside from my safe—which hasn't been touched—there's not much of value here except the TV," he nodded towards the large screened appliance still sitting undisturbed in the corner, "and my daughter."

"Hey, Bella," the other officer greeted her, jotting down notes. She had definitely seen better days, but at least as the police chief's daughter, there was a slim chance anything like this would ever happen to her again.

"Look, I'm gonna ride in the bus with her. You guys stay to gather evidence." Charlie pointed to the holes in the walls. "Make sure you do a thorough sweep and dusting. I want any and all prints and hair samples on my desk within an hour."

Three different voices could be heard muttering 'Aye' as Charlie followed his daughter out to the ambulance. Bella just prayed she wouldn't be forced into receiving another shot of Demerol and that no one would suddenly visit her at the ER, like Quil.

Charlie was just itching to shoot someone…


	8. Vexation of the Bonfires!

Slamming the phone down with enough force that the cradle cracked, Sam quickly kissed Emily before marching out into the backyard. Shedding his clothing, he morphed and took off, too angry to notice Paul's mental smirking and Embry's shock.

Quil/Qwar and Jake weren't as fortunate. Panting heavily from their fight, both wolves laid sprawled out in a nearby copse of trees still intent to inflict bodily harm on each other. Sam's rage quickly put things into perspective.

On his hands and knees, Jake looked over to Quil who had shifted back seconds after himself.

"I think we're too late. Sam saw us and he's headed this way," Quil said, rolling over to his side. Damn, even mini-Alphas had huge-ass bite radiuses.

"Shit! How is it possible the he's heard about this already?" Sitting up with his legs sprawled before him, Jake tried to tame his hair.

Quil waved his hand in the air in an unconcerned fashion. "I'm sure he'll tell us. I can hear him now."

Sam wasn't worried about concealing himself on tribal lands this far in. Nor did he really care if his inferior wolves could hear him. They were about to hear him a lot louder in an up-close-and-personal fashion.

The midnight wolf saw his objectives and snarled at them. He might be able to kill them if he attacked the two boys in human form, not that he cared. Even if he took a few chunks of flesh, it'd hurt, but they'd heal just the same. The thought had merit.

"Hey, Sam," Jake greeted, his Alpha looking back and forth between him and Quil.

Both boys tried not to cower as Sam inched closer, saliva dripping from his bared muzzle, each and every white pointy canine tooth a veterinarian's wet dream. Deciding that he could at least yell some before ripping apart body parts, Sam phased, not even fully human before the vitriol poured forth

"Do you know who I just got off the phone with?" Sam snapped, towering above the boys as he ran his hands over his legs to remove any dirt.

"Bella?" Quil asked hopefully.

"I wish to god it had been Bella," Sam snapped at the unlucky bastard to speak first. "Then I could've pleaded with her to pack her shit and go back to her mom's. No, it wasn't Bella; it was Billy."

Surprised, Jake swallowed a couple of times before asking, "Is my dad okay?"

"No!" The answer held another shocked jumping effect to its audience. "He, along with the rest of the council, are wondering how two idiots such as yourselves could have allowed Quil's imprint to get hurt! I know you guys were there."

"Nobody hurt her Sam," Jake pacified. "She was a little shocked at learning Quil was her imprint and might have passed out."

Sam's thundering step towards him, immediately retracted any ease Jake may have felt.

"You told her…what?" The last word being whispered so softly that had the three not been freaks of nature, none would've heard it.

Reviewing what he had just said, Jake looked for the part that had sent Sam over the edge.

"Quil took off at the end of school to go see Bella," Jake began again, hoping to appease his leader. "I wasn't too far behind him, but enough that he was inside her house before I could I get there and lead him back to La Push."

"Quil?" Sam asked in a voice that had his boys not known him, anyone else would've thought he had suddenly developed an infinite patience.

"I knew Jake would figure it out and since I didn't get to see her yesterday, unlike some people," Quil accused, staring at Jake before turning back to Sam. "I wanted to have some quality time with her before her rent-a-cop dad showed up. Man, that guy can be a first class dick."

Just a tiny bit of Sam's sanity snapped as he reached out to smack Quil across the side of his head. Backing up, he resumed his quiet interrogation.

"The Charlie portion of this conversation will be for later. How long it took you and your babysitter to get to Forks, I don't care. Let's focus on what your topic of conversation was with Bella, shall we?" Sam intoned.

Qwar whispered a few choice lascivious activities that Quil should've tried on Bella while Quil tried to ignore his body's response to the picture of Bella out in the forest wearing nothing but a couple of well placed and easy-to-remove leaves.

Jake caught the crude movement from Quil, and while not caring if Sam beheaded his friend right then and there, Jake preferred to be done with this conversation sooner as opposed to later.

"Bella was all over the place, Sam. She thought that we were there because some vamp was on the loose to kill her," Jake supplied in a helpful tone.

"There aren't any vamps around here, Jacob," Sam answered in a bored voice. "Next topic."

"Oh, I know, I know," Quil all but screamed in excitement. Raising his hand like he was in class, he waved it around, waiting for Sam to call on him.

"Yes, Quil. Have you finally figured out what I'm referring to?"

"Well, not exactly, no," Quil hedged, Sam's eerie glowing eyes making him rethink he had the correct answer. "But since you're in Alpha-mode, I'm guessing it has to do with us telling Bella about the imprint."

"Yes, Quil, you're on the right track. And why would I be upset over you two telling Bella that?"

"Gosh, Sam, I don't know. Cause you weren't invited?"

Even the earth worms sucked in an audible breath at Quil's flippancy. Jake tried to inch further away from a soon-to-be dead Quil as much as he dared, without incurring any more Alpha wrath.

"Because the Swan's house isn't a goddamn fucking bonfire!" Sam screamed shrilly. "A bonfire where we all convene to gently break the news of an imprint to the intended."

Despite flinching from Sam's sudden change in temperament, Quil couldn't help but ask, "So…we should've started a fire in the fire place? Would that've made it more ceremonial or something?"

Dropping to his knees, Sam leaned over to yell directly in Quil's face. "The only damn ceremony for telling an imprint is at the beach where all the other wolves can gather and protect the imprint from being broken by her goddamn protector."

Staring blankly at his leader, Quil tried to make the pieces fit. Opening his mouth to ask how helpful someone like Paul could actually be, Sam lunged.

Not only was Quil's mouth still open, his tongue now dangled out uncontrollably as Sam physically choked him. This was not a normal strangulation from a rational killer where it was done with even pressure. It wasn't even the type of choking where a man was defending himself in a kill or be killed setting. This was a mentally snapped, tired of the stupidity, Alpha ass kicking type of choke.

Quil tried to grab the hands that encircled his throat and cut off his breathing. It was a little hard to focus, though. What, with the dots appearing before his eyes; the crazy spitting maniac screaming about honor and duty; and the useless pack mate known as Jake, that just sat idly by, examining his finger.

Qwar curled up a bit inside of his human's head, placing bets and odds on the outcome of the fight and wondering if the boy would phase so Qwar could ditch this party and take up residence inside of someone else. Embry was a quiet soul and he seemed like a good back-up mind to live in should Quil not make it.

Jake decided to step in again despite knowing that if Quil died, he could once again attempt to romance Bella.

"Look, Sam, I'd love to watch you kill Quil. In fact, it'd probably be the best thing to happen ever," Jake offered, watching as Quil started to turn a sickly fuchsia color. Sam just tightened his grip and added a death shake.

"But Sam," Jake tried again, worried he was going to have to phase and lunge at the party. "If you kill Quil, it might upset Bella. The tribe journals don't say what happens if you destroy an imprint before it has a chance to work."

Sam's own inner wolf whined uneasily at this change of events. This pack mate hadn't tried to overtake his Alpha status, nor had he tried to harm Emily. The odd, human rage was bafflement to Sam's wolf.

Clearing his throat, Jake tried one last tactic to gain Sam's attention enough to allow the release of Quil.

"Sam, did Leah tell you we fucked each other last week? She said she was glad you hadn't imprinted on her since it meant you turned all soft and wuss-like in the sack and she needed a real man to give it to her like she wanted."

Not entirely the best plan Jake had ever come up with, but he met his goal. Sam dropped Quil with an audible thud, his body whirling around in preparation to lunge at the next idiot on his list.

"What did you say?" Sam sneered, zeroing in on Jake's throat, his fingers flexing in anticipation.

Hands raised in defense, Jake continued to back away. "I only said it because I thought you were really going to kill him. I didn't sleep with Leah; you know she wouldn't touch any of us like that."

Snapping out his rage-haze, Sam gave Jake a hard look, his fingers still spasming. "You pick a hell of a way to grab someone's attention, Black. Next time, you might want rethink your approach."

"Point taken, Sam," Jake replied before turning to Quil who was still licking the air as he tried to regain his breath.

"Quil? Are you finished pissing off our Alpha?"

"Yeah," he wheezed out. "I'll just listen for now."

"Good!" Sam grated. "Both of you need to pull your shit together and act responsible. That poor girl's life is already severely crippled. The least you could do was pretend to care somewhat about her well-being."

Having known Bella for most of his life, Jake felt that some justification on his and Quil's part was in order.

"Come on, Sam. Anyone else and we would've waited for a bonfire telling but Bella was really confused about our behavior and rather than let her jump to more wrong conclusions we decided to come clean and let her know. If either of us had known she was going to faint, we'd have told her while sitting on cushions."

"It's not the fact that Isabella passed out. It's the fact that whatever method you used to impart the knowledge of an imprint included destroying a house to the point that Chief Swan is at the hospital with his daughter, waiting for the staff to tell him whether or not his daughter was raped."

"Well, then I'm off the hook," Quil replied, leaning back comfortably for Sam to finish screaming at Jake and forgetting all about his promise to stay silent.

Both the movement and words refocused Sam's anger. "You are not off of anything, least of all the blame."

"But, Sam?" Quil cajoled. "It couldn't have been me that raped Bella. You said I couldn't take my dick out."

"Do you hear yourself?" Sam asked, his voice entirely too shrill to sound like a man's. He was seriously rethinking the choking aspect. "I mention that your imprint might have been attacked and your only concern is who the fucks to blame?"

"Of course not; I'm not a complete monster." At the glaring looks from both Jake and Sam, Quil explained, "I was being polite and letting you finish your rage-induced accusations before we took off to go kill whoever hurt my Bella."

"Sam," Jake asked hesitantly afraid he was missing something and knowing Quil didn't have a high enough I.Q. to ask. "Was Bella attacked? I mean, we were there up until the point Charlie was driving down the road. Then we left to come back here. Did someone break into Bella's house and hurt her?"

Sam's answer was clipped as he reigned in the impulse to kick Quil. "I don't know. Billy called and said that Charlie was at the hospital with Bella; that she was either hit in the head, or fell and became unconscious. Their living room was torn apart, but nothing was missing from the house which makes Charlie think that the attacker was specifically after Bella."

"Oh," both boys answered their Alpha, clarification setting in.

"Oh?" Sam asked, not really in a question form, but more as a prompt that their asses had better start explaining shit as of yesterday.

Neither Jake nor Quil could look Sam in the face as they did explain what had happened earlier at Bella's house. Sam's impassive face had quickly lost color as the boys elaborated that they couldn't actually do anything to help Bella and had left rather quickly so as not to be caught by Charlie.

Sam rubbed his forehead wearily, wishing he had any other crisis to attend other than this one.

_Mutant chupacabras? Easy, poison the goats. _

_Gay vampire rights? Nothing but a few parades of same sex cows._

_A more haired -than brained- werewolf protecting his imprint from gravity while trying to fuck her at the same time? Not even Einstein had felt so helpless when realizing that nuclear weapons were the worst discovery for mankind ever to be found._

"Jacob, what part of chaperoning didn't you understand when I tasked you with it?" Sam asked, finally looking back up at his pack.

Quil's cough of a verbal 'loser' immediately set the Alpha on the attack.

"And Quil? Could you really not wait until an appropriate bonfire could be scheduled to tell Bella?"

Quil had his explanation at the ready. "I thought she already knew." Turning to the side, he point at his friend. "If Jake hadn't run his big fat mouth, none of this would've happened."

"Jacob has just as much blame as you do, Quil, but Bella is not his imprint." Sam's voice had gone back to the gritty enraged tone.

"I didn't know she was prone to fainting!" Quil cried, really hoping that Sam would just let this slide as a newbie mistake.

Qwar snickered at his host's stupidity.

"She's fainted fifty fucking times in the past three days, Ateara! Obviously your imprint has a delicate constitution and you need to be on top of your game when around her. No, scratch that. You need to make sure you keep your fucking mouth shut around her, and if you have to speak to her, make sure she's sitting on something soft before you utter whatever trash comes rolling out of your mouth."

Jake's tittering had Sam whirling on him in an instant. "And you, Black! This is the female you have done nothing but think about since you could walk! Would you rather see her dead than with Quil, is that why you've been all loose handed around her?"

Jake gasped softly at the implication. "No, Sam. If I had known that Quil wasn't going to act like a normal wolf, I would've been more attuned to her bearings."

"Normal wolves don't rip off the fucking doors of their imprint's dad's house! At this very moment, there are probably five people studying what's left of the door and the frame to determine what could've caused it to shatter and explode backwards from the hinges."

"I bet an angry werewolf isn't on any of their lists," Quil grumbled, peeved that his imprint time had gone so badly and that he probably wouldn't be able to see Bella for at least a couple of days.

"No, Quil, it probably isn't and assuming you two show-offs weren't seen by anyone, we may get lucky. Right now, they're looking for marks left from some type of explosive device. When that doesn't pan out they'll probably try to determine how much force is required to inflict the damage the door received and then they'll look for a suspect with huge-ass battering ram."

"We'll be okay, Sam," Jake offered. "Bella knows not to mention our furriness and she certainly won't tell Charlie that we were there. He might be forgiving, but if he thinks a couple of teens damaged his house, Bella will never be allowed to have friends over."

"That is the only grace saving your asses at the moment," Sam huffed in exasperation. "As long as Bella doesn't say anything about you two, this should blow over.

"Quil, you are on imprint restrictions," Sam told the pouty wolf. "You can still run by her house at night just to be in her vicinity for a few minutes, but you are not allowed any type of verbal or physical contact. Any dates or whatever the hell you guys decide on, will only take place in La Push where the rest of the pack can act as an intervention for when, not if, you fuck up again."

"You mean like group dates?" Quil yelled. "Come on, Sam, nobody wants to-"

"Shut it, Ateara! Of course I don't mean group dates. I'd have a mutiny on my hands; not only from the wolves, but their imprints and girlfriends if I made them take you and Bella along on their planned activities. What I mean is that aside from Jake or whoever is required to be within a ten foot radius of you and Bella, a few other pack members will be within a half mile or so of you two while here on the Rez."

Despite Quil's continued muttering, Jake sighed in relief. With extra wolf senses nearby, Bella would be able to survive and decide if she could cope the rest of her life being stuck with Quil.

"You've got one more chance, Black," Sam added, hearing his sigh. "One more chance to make sure Quil doesn't harm his imprint or else I'm going to assign a new permanent sitter for dumb-fuck over there," he spat, thumbing to the cowering werewolf behind him.

"I promise, Sam, Bella will not come to any harm under my watches. I will stand next to her at all times and hold her hand to make sure."

"See that you do," Sam barked to them. "Now get your asses to Black's house. Billy said something about eating." At the boys looks of surprise and then happiness, Sam couldn't wait to add, "Eating entrails, that is. If you fuck-wits are going to act like dogs, than Billy has insisted you eat like them as well until you can remember you're fucking humans."

"Shit," Sam mumbled to himself, striding off into the forest, glad that he could break away for now. "This couldn't be any more fucked up than if Quil had imprinted on a toddler. At least then he would've have time to mature before taking on an imprint."

"Well, that was uncalled for," Quil huffed to Jake.

Qwar was in complete agreement; a wolf as mighty as him and his human, Quil, needed a full grown woman. A full grown woman like Bella 'Booty' Swan.

* * *

The ER doctor both sighed and frowned as his patient, Isabella Swan, insisted she was fine and didn't need another x-ray or scan of her head. When the police chief took the doctor aside and explained that his daughter may have been sexually assaulted, a near-riot broke out.

"What are you doing?" Bella asked, watching as a nurse wheeled a tray closer to the bed and then gave her a gown to put on.

"Doctor's orders. Sit up so I can help you change. If you don't feel like you can sit up, I can call another nurse in here to help you change."

"I don't need to change. I've already said I'm fine."

"Yes, but that's not good enough," the nurse replied, coming to stand in front of her patient. "You were knocked out and anything could've happened."

"Nothing of anything happened! How many rap-," Bella choked on the word, unable to say it. "How many sexual assaulters would redress their victims?"

"I don't know; we don't keep statistics like that. But until cleared, you're considered a victim and need to be checked out."

"Do you victimize all of your patients?" Bella asked harshly, both angry and mortified at the upcoming proceedings.

"Don't be silly," the nurse answered, unfazed by her patient's demeanor. "You'll feel better once this is all over."

Refraining from a sarcastic 'Ha!', Bella grudgingly began to undress, wincing with every movement as her head throbbed in tandem. Later, when she could move about freely again without seeing a few doubles, two werewolves would be hearing about their abrupt departure. Even if she had to use Charlie as a threat for compliance.

* * *

Charlie had held constant vigilance concerning Bella and her whereabouts. She hadn't been sexually assaulted, but her latest head injury was still blameless and neither any physical evidence, nor a suspect, had been found concerning the break-in. The school secretary called the Chief every morning to report Bella's presence and then again in the afternoon to say when she had left the school premises.

Units randomly patrolled by his house during the day and night, searching for anyone looking suspicious or out of place for the area. Nobody noticed the strange wolves who sat in the tree line just outside of the Swan house.

"How's she doing?" Quil mentally whined to Jake from his spot on La Push lands two weeks after her last wolf-induced head trauma.

Jake, the lucky bastard, had finished his border run and was now just outside of the Swan's backyard.

"She's doing fine, Quil," said the lucky bastard. "Just like she was doing fine five minutes ago and just like she'll be doing fine five minutes from now and just like she'll be doing fine five hours from now when you take over patrol and scamper over her to make sure I wasn't lying."

"Jake, you could be a little more understanding about my situation. How unfair is it that I can't physically touch my imprint?"

"It's not unfair at all," Jake answered truthfully. "The whole world breathes easier knowing you can't inflict any more injuries on her."

Perking his ears to make sure there weren't any noises or scents to suggest someone might be outside, Jake stretched then lumbered quietly to the front of the house so he could see Bella's window.

"Is she awake? Did you hear her moan? Was it my name she said?" Quil asked in quick succession, anxious to see his girl one more time.

"Look for yourself, Quil. No one is awake in this neighborhood at one a.m. including Bella."

"Oh," Quil exclaimed disappointedly. "So why did you move?"

"So you could see that she's still fine and I can come home to go to bed. I'm fucking beat," Jake whined the last line.

Nobody wanted Quil near Forks after the last incident, including the council who had also taken Quil Sr. aside to ask if he'd mind for Quil to be mentally tested. The poor man could not have felt more ashamed if his grandson had allowed a tribal member to be killed by a vampire.

After much deliberation, it was decided that Quil had to stay on his own land. While Forks didn't usually fall into a protector's boundaries, it now a contained an imprint and exceptions had to be made. Quil was given shorter patrols on week nights but he had to patrol every single night during the time frame when the wolf required to cover La Push, took off for twenty minutes to check out Forks.

"Alright," Quil sighed in agreement, watching as Jake looped back towards his house.

So far, only Embry and Jake actually loitered around the Swan's residence so Quil could feel connected. The first time Quil has asked Sam if he'd mind stopping for a few minutes, the Alpha had been so enraged he commanded Quil to continually phase until the sun rose which resulted in the first werewolf passing out from constant vomiting.

Jared was too impassive to care whether or not Quil got his Bella fix. Any time Quil or Qwar spoke up about it, he simply replayed images of him and Kim having sex. It wasn't like Kim was extremely ugly or anything, but a man could only watch his non-imprint make the O-face so many times before wanting to die.

Qwar, on the other hand, used Jared's free memories to plan out Bella time. Eventually Quil would give to the subtle suggestions and Qwar was counting the days, although lately it seemed to be passing by in dog years.

None of the wolves figured Quil would ask Paul, but on the fourth night after his punishment, Quil did. Unlike the others, Paul hadn't mentally shouted any word to Quil. Instead, Quil watched as Paul urinated all over Chief Swan's cruiser and then defecated under Bella's window.

After that stunt, Paul was still the only one laughing even when Sam ordered he go back and clean it up.

* * *

Three weeks after Bella's last accident, Jake took pity on Quil and called to see if Bella would like to spend part of the weekend up at the Rez.

"How's the house arrest?" Jake asked, laughing at Bella's disgruntlement when she answered.

Huffing out her annoyance, Bella was quick to answer, "That is so not funny, Jacob."

"She's right," Quil hissed from his seat next to Jake in the Black's kitchen. "It's not funny to tease her about her inability to see me!"

Jake refused to answer Quil, but stared at him with a frown while he spoke to Bella. "No, you're right; it's not. Does Charlie have any ideas as to who it could've been?"

"No," Bella gritted out, hating to play these games. Both of them knew it was more than likely Charlie had a recorder set up on the phone line. If they pretended nothing had happened, he might become suspicious.

"Well, do you think he'd let you spend tomorrow up here at the Rez? It's supposed to be a nice day. I thought we could go to the beach."

"Tell her the most important part, Jake," Quil cried out, not caring if Bella could hear him or that the conversation might be recorded. He jumped from his chair, bouncing around. "Tell her I'm going to be here, waiting to give her a hug!"

Placing his hand firmly over the receiver, Jake lowered the phone to hiss at Quil. "Do you want me to scare the ever-living daylights out of her, Quil?"

The wolf-tard stopped flailing to stare gape mouthed at Jake.

"Now sit down and shut up before I retract my invitation," Jake demanded before bringing the phone back to his ear.

"I don't know, Jake, I'd have to ask the warden…" trailing off as her dad walked into the kitchen, Bella nearly dropped the phone when Charlie spoke up.

"That's fine, Bella. You can go to the beach with Jake. I'll take you up there first thing."

"That was freaky," Bella murmured into the phone as Charlie went into the living room and Jake laughed.

"Your dad just knows how you are," he replied, trying to rack up any brownie points he could with the chief. Billy had explained the surveillance thing to Jake and if Charlie was recording the phone conversations, a little niceness wouldn't hurt at all.

"Right," Bella sarcastically agreed, not being entirely in the loop. Jake had warned her not to mention anything supernatural while on the phone on one of his impromptu visits, but had failed to tell her about Charlie and his mime-interpretations.

"So, it's all set then," Jake answered happily. "I'll see you bright and early on Saturday and then we can decide what we want to do."

"Me too, Booty," Quil murmured forlornly from his resumed seat. Qwar was not happy with him and both tried to think of what they could do to make sure Bella had plenty of fun when she came to the Rez.

"I can't wait," Bella said noncommittally to Jake as she hung up. She was curious as to when Quil would show up and if she wanted to see him.

Bella hadn't been completely opposed when Quil/Qwar had mentioned pogo sticks. He still hadn't been able to find any place locally that sold a pogo stick but he was confident in his creativity. An old pipe, some metal clamps and a few coil springs—Jake was bound to have a million of those types of car parts—and Quil was on his way to making a dream toy come true.

Passively occupying a large part of the brain Quil never used, Qwar watched the fantasy on repeat. He let the show go on for less than sixty seconds before Qwar spoke up and over the amateur.

_What if_, Qwar whispered seductively, _we did something more romantic? Imprints always put out when they feel loved and re…res...respe…, _

Qwar fumbled too many time over the word and chose another.

_When they feel loved and recognized,_ he explained to a now alert Quil. Furthering the details both Quil and Qwar sat back in delight a few minutes later with visions of blankets and fruit roll-ups danced in their head.

* * *

When Charlie had offered to take Bella to Jake's house, he had failed to mention that he planned to leave at four thirty in the morning.

"Bells," Charlie yelled up the stairwell. "Hurry up. The Salmon are running and we're behind already."

"I'm sure they'll run again," Bella mumbled, sliding down the stairs still half-asleep. "You know, the whole circle of life thing?"

"Very funny, Bells," her father grunted in relief when his daughter managed the last step unscathed. Are you ready to go?"

Holding up a backpack and a thermos of coffee she grabbed from the kitchen as an affirmation, Charlie followed her out to the car, locking the door behind them and once again failing to notice the newest bush to their yard. A bush that weighed over four hundred pounds, had a deviated septum and could put a Chewbacca to shame in the hair department.

Ned *Nancy* Nippleburn's Eddie-Teddy would've been in love.

* * *

Bella was fast asleep by the time Charlie pulled into the Black's driveway. Once again failing to notice the slight rearrangement of bushes nearby, he went inside to see if Billy was ready to leave and perhaps if Jake was awake.

He was.

"Hey, Jake?" Charlie called out quietly to the young man sitting at the kitchen table.

Working on his third pack of pop-tarts, Jake just waved, his mouth too full to answer the Chief.

"Bells is asleep in the cruiser. Would you mind going out and bringing her inside? I figure she'll probably sleep for a few more hours."

Opening his mouth to speak, Billy cuffed him.

"Swallow your food before you speak, boy. No need to terrorize both Chiefs before sunrise with your piss-poor manners."

Trying not to laugh at his dad, Jake did as instructed before answering. "Yeah, I'll go get her. Both of us could use some more sleep." Standing up and brushing the crumbs off of his shorts, Jake was half-way out the door before Charlie stopped him.

"Son, you can place her on the couch and THEN return to your own room to sleep." At Jake's look of innocence, Charlie only laughed. "Yeah, I said it. I trust the both of you, but no need to tempt fate."

Both Jake and Charlie laughed as he continued outside to the cruiser, where surprise-surprise, Quil was standing next to passenger side window staring longingly like a puppy at a pet-store.

"Quil, what are you doing here?" Jake hissed, glancing back towards the house to see if Charlie was looking out.

Quil pressed his nose to the glass not even bothering to look at Jake. "My imprint-radar was going crazy. I knew she was close by and I had to come see her."

"Nice going, Clifford!" Jake spat, his barb in reference to Quil's last attempt at cartoon-porn. "Could you not wait fifteen fucking minutes? Charlie's still here and he'd shit a vampire if he thought he was leaving his daughter with not one, but two teenage males."

"Thanks, Jake, for that cold-ass visual," Quil answered, shivering at the double innuendo of Jake's. "Could you not say such shit in front of my imprint? It pisses Qwar off."

"You and Qwar can take your asses back off to the bushes. At least until the Chief leaves. Then, maybe I'll consider letting you in the house," Jake threatened, approaching the car door.

It took Quil a few seconds before he stepped out of the way, hovering far to close as Jake quietly opened the door, unlocked Bella's seatbelt and then lifted her up and stepped back.

Maneuvering around the open door, Quil grabbed her bag to follow Jake back to his house.

"Quil," Jake whispered, not amused by his new shadow. "I'm dead fucking serious. You need to get out of sight for now."

Leaning to the side, Quil sniffed lovingly at his girl, the aroma one of the strongest relaxants he had ever encountered.

"Can I hold her?" he asked, holding his hands out beseechingly.

"She's not a damn pet, Quil. Put your hormones on hold for twenty minutes until they're gone!"

At the porch steps, Quil set the backpack down, giving his girl one last look before fading into the night.

Sighing in relief, Jake used his foot to open the screen door, relieved to see Charlie and Billy still talking quietly in the kitchen. He walked to the couch and set Bella down, covering her with an afghan before retrieving her bag and returning to the kitchen.

"Okay, Charlie. She's in the living room still passed out." Yawning in exaggeration, Jake stretched his arms careful not to accidently stick them through the ceiling. "You two have fun, I'm gonna go back to bed."

"Jake," Charlie called out to the retreating figure. "You make sure you keep my girl safe. I'm still not entirely convinced some pervert isn't out to harm her."

"I promise, Charlie, she'll be safe. There aren't any unknown perverts on the Rez," Jake answered truthfully.

Billy choked on a laugh at his son's skillful words. It was true of course, there weren't any unknown perverts. The only pervert known in La Push was Quil and he was ordered to keep Bella safe and happy at all costs or else.

"Good to know," Charlie answered with a small tone of respect.

He may not want the two kids sleeping together, but Charlie knew Jake wouldn't let some random stranger hurt his girl and out here on the Rez, any mischief seekers would be escorted of the land.

"You ready, Chief?" Billy asked, eager to begin their fishing trip. He affectionately patted the beer cooler and only winced slight when Charlie strained to pick it up. Next time, he'd ask Jake to take out beforehand.

Charlie's cruiser had no sooner pulled out of the driveway when an over exuberant Quil came bouncing in through the back door. Dropping the curtain, Jake went to intercede before shit could get out of hand.

Quil raced to be next to Bella faster than prison inmates on their way to the showers to *meet* the new guy. Before Jake could say 'soap' Quil had managed to arrange himself on and across the sofa like a tacky afghan. Said real tacky afghan was nowhere to be seen as it was still wrapped around a sleeping Bella who couldn't be seen under Quil's frame.

"Quil! Get the fuck off of her," Jake demanded, silently marching his way towards the offending furniture. "Can she even breathe?"

"Duh!" The imprinted wolf mumbled, his face buried somewhere between where Bella's shoulder should be and a couch cushion. "I have no intention of killing her, Jake. I just want to cuddle."

Jake began to tug on Quil foot. "Well, cuddle on the floor then. And leave Bella in peace. It's barely five in the morning, I'm sure she'd like to sleep a little longer." He managed to slide Quil about two inches lengthwise down the couch before the movement disturbed Bella who started to moan.

"And she can, Jake. But it's cold and I have vowed to be her electric blanket for the morning. Now could you please shut the hell up and stop playing footsie with me before you wake her?"

Dropping the aforementioned foot, Jake watched through narrowed eyes as Quil once again rearranged his bulk, this time producing a still sleeping Bella to rest mostly on his chest with a portion of her small frame crammed between Quil and the back of the couch.

Once all movement had ceased from the couch of corruption, Jake still continued to stare.

"Jake? Could you stop watching me sleep? It's really fucking creepy." With disgust, Jake returned to his own room, hoping Bella could handle the pervert for a few hours in her sleep.


	9. Luck! It rhymes with

"Ohhhhh," Bella breathed out as the warmth penetrated her everywhere.

Never had she felt so comfortable, her body lying on top of something deliciously warm and heavenly scented. Instinctively she burrowed her face into her mattress, breathing deeply and pushing herself further into it, whatever it was.

It, still remaining unidentified to her half-awareness, pushed back on the sweetest spot, her body tingling in anticipation. Positioned on her stomach, her legs were spread apart and slightly dangling with something—it- wedged in between and pressing into her crotch.

Hips thrusting on their own accord, Bella was delighted when her spot was hit again and again; an intense repetition that she was more than happy to keep accepting.

Quil had been dreaming pleasantly about hand feeding a seven course meal of different hotdogs to his mate; pornishly speaking, not all of the hotdogs were in her mouth either!

The fantasy fest, or fantasy feast, had been interrupted when his eyes snapped opened to stare blankly at a ceiling wondering why he never got to see the end of such dreams. The tiny huff of exclamation cleared his head quickly as he felt a warm body press tightly against him, relax and then press again.

His imprint was trying to dry hump him!

Tears of appreciation filled his eyes, quickly to be blinked away so he could focus on more important matters: shifting his imprint's position.

All along, Quil had held doubts about Sam's command that he couldn't remove clothes from himself to please his mate but this…this was perfectly acceptable and Bella had started it.

In between a tense, flex and relax motion, Quil hauled her up to replant her solidly on his crotch. With his hands firmly gripping her hips and Bella's legs spread even further wide to each side of him, he continued to aid her in this impromptu ride of lust, words of encouragement spilling out easier than breathing.

Having living so many months with a supernatural being watching her 'sleep' it took a lot for Bella to actually be disturbed by anything. She knew she talked in her sleep, too; sometimes the words waking her up as they randomly slipped out.

This morning wasn't really exception, yet…the words weren't hers. The moaning answer was, though.

"Fuck yeah, booty, move it!" Quil hissed in lust, fully awake and fully appreciative of his imprint's morning activities. With another forceful downward thrust, Bella's eyes snapped open in horror.

"Oh my god," she whisper screamed, her body's pleasure senses too far gone to do much more.

"That's right, I'm your god," Quil encouraged, unaware that Bella's eyes were open.

The sudden rush of blood to her face, fueled by shock and embarrassment alerted Qwar that something was amiss and his imprint probably needed to be sniffed. Then again, they were already basically fucking and wasn't that the whole point to sniffing? To make sure his imprint was still fuckable.

None of it mattered when Quil suddenly cried out in bliss, "I'm coming!"

Rubbing his imprint even harder against his releasing cock, he leaned up slightly to bury his nose back into her neck, sniffing her to ease the last bit of guilt from Qwar.

The second Quil's hands relaxed slightly, Bella tried to scramble off of his lap. Of course, there was still a tacky afghan wrapped around her, hindering proper dismount movements from a sexually relaxed wolf. She slid quickly, not caring how or where she landed and forgetting that there was a coffee table right beside her escape route.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jake hollered, his hand grabbing Bella before her head could make contact with furniture or the floor.

Swinging her around, he immediately assessed the situation. Bella was flushed, hair mused, wouldn't make eye contact, reeked of sex and yet still appeared to have all of her clothes on. Actually, Quil had all of his clothes on, too, and smelled more like sex than Bella did.

It didn't take a werewolf to figure out what had just transpired.

"Bella, are you okay?" Jake asked, wishing he was anywhere else but here.

Angrily, she brushed away his hands, still glaring at the floor like it had just insulted her. "I…I…I'm sorry," she cried out, trying not to walk like a drunk as she scurried to the bathroom.

Both boys flinched, more from the sound of her toe snubbing and her shoulder hitting the door rather than the loud bang it made when she was finally able to pull all of herself inside the tiny room at the end of the hall.

"What the hell did you do that for?" Quil asked, his buzz unpleasantly ending. "Geez, Jake, you embarrassed the shit out of her, running in here and screaming like a crazed druggie."

"I'm not the one who just fucked her in a public place!" Jake screamed back, wincing when his words caused Bella to cry out shamefully. The sudden sound of water was apparently her attempt to hide her tears.

"I didn't fuck her," Quil spat, jumping up from the couch and then kind of wishing he hadn't as a sticky substance began to travel. "She woke me up, all hot and horny. I was doing the imprint thing and taking care of her needs."

"Her needs?" Jacob stuttered over the words. "You dumbass! She didn't get anything from that except nightmares of what a first class dick you can be. And if you had even been paying attention, she was close to hitting her damn head on the coffee table. If I had been any slower, we'd both be making another damn trip to the hospital with her!"

"Well, thank you, Jake! I'd be willing to bet though that Bella would rather have to go to the hospital for a cracked skull rather than being all in one piece and knowing she's never going to be able to look at her friend again."

"Get out," Jake ordered, pointing to the front door. "Get out of here and go tell Sam what a dumb shit you were and why you now can't see your imprint. AGAIN!"

"Don't pull that mini-Alpha shit with me, Jake. I'm going to go because I need to change," Quil mumbled the last part before regaining full volume. "But I'm coming back to spend the rest of my day with MY imprint. I haven't hurt her and I even kept my clothes on, so there isn't a damn thing Sam can say to me. You, on the other hand, might want to watch yourself. I'm sure Sam will have plenty to say about you spying on us."

Jacob was nearly struck dumb by Quil's logic. "It's my house! I wasn't spying, I was chaperoning as instructed."

At the door, Quil turned around to face his friend. "Yeah, well, you suck at chaperoning, don't you?" He huffed before making his getaway. He was halfway to his house before realizing he had forgotten to say good bye to Bella.

Oh, well. It wasn't like he wouldn't be seeing her in about half an hour. They had beach plans!

* * *

Jacob wasted no time in calling Sam. He wanted to go and talk to Bella but since the water was still running, he figured he should give her a bit more time. Besides he didn't really want her to listen to what he was about tell Sam anyways.

"I swear to god, Jacob," where the first words he heard after the second ring, "if you're calling to tell me that Bella was hurt, I'm going to send Paul over there to torture both you and Quil and we both know how pissy he can be when called to attend shit when it's his morning off!"

"Yeah, I know Sam and normally I wouldn't call but-"

"And then," Sam continued, not even slowing down, "whatever is left of your mangy hides is going to have to face me, your Alpha! If you thought Quil's last task of continuous phasing until he puked was drastic just wait until I have to ruin my Saturday morning with my fiancée who has lovingly insisted we stay in bed. That is until the goddamn phone rang, disturbing whatever peaceful time we may have had because two of the pack are to fucking stupid to follow simple instructions!"

Jake's nervous giggling kicked in. He desperately wanted to clamp a hand over his own mouth but then he wouldn't be able to talk to Sam if he did that. Not like Sam could hear it anyways; he was on a roll. However, that didn't stop Jake from trying to explain.

"Funny you should mention beds, Sam. See Quil was on the couch with Bella and-"

"THEN, before I kiss my sweet imprint goodbye to deal with you douche bags, I'm going to have to call the council. Aren't most of them out fishing, including your father?" Sam questioned but not caring about an answer. "Yeah, that's why Bella is at your house to begin with. So before I can tell them what happened, I'm going to have to tap dance my furry ass on out to the lake they've chosen and explain that Chief Swan's is once again in the hospital! Do you have anything to say for yourself, Jake?"

Jake cleared his throat nervously, before he tried to talk. He could hear Sam's harsh breathing and Emily whispering in the background, trying to soothe him. "It's not that bad, actually. See, Bella was sleeping and Quil decided she looked cold and went to join her on the couch-"

"WHAT?" Sam screamed back into the phone. "Did that piece of shit whip it out and horrify his imprint? That's it! After I've finished kicking your ass for allowing him to assault Bella, I'm going to denutt him. I'm going to stake his ass to the ground and use a dremel tool to take off piece by piece throwing them off to the side where a flock of vultures will dine in delight, while Quil watches in horror! Then I'm going to-"

"SAM!" Jacob hollered back, clutching the phone with his legs crossed protectively together. "It's not that bad. No one is physically scarred or maimed."

Both men were breathing heavily in the silence. Jacob had decided in the last ten seconds of the conversation that whatever punishment Quil deserved, it probably shouldn't be delivered by Sam. Or Paul either. That was what he told himself, anyways. The main reason was his own balls had taken up residence somewhere safe near his kidneys and he could bear the thought of Sam accidently turning that same punishment on him that was intended for Quil. It was best just to shut the fuck up.

"Jacob," Sam growled out a tad calmer. If one could surmise that going from an Alpha on a denutting rampage to an Alpha going on a ripping off fingers rampage as calmer. "I sincerely hope you didn't decide to call me this early just to fuck with me?"

"Of course not, Sam. I was just calling to report in and say that everything was going good. Bella and Quil had a nice sleep in on the couch. Fully clothed," he hastily added. "He went home for a bit and then we're going to go to the beach." Jacob's ears twitched, noticing that the bathroom water was still on full blast. "We're probably going to the beach," he amended.

"I see," Sam dead-panned, not buying Jake's excuse. He just knew they were in the hospital, or enroute to one. "And this surprising, laid-back detail warranted a call?"

The giggles weren't masked this time. "Yes, Sam, that's right. I knew how worried you'd be, so I decided to check in. That was okay, wasn't it?"

Swallowing his spit of rage, Sam grunted his reply, leaving interpretations up to Jacob.

"So, yeah, now that you know everything's okay and Bella doesn't have any new injuries, I'll let you get back to your morning with Emily. Tell her I said hi. I'm going to go now. Bye." Quickly Jake disconnected the call, sagging against the counter top in relief. His legs were still crossed but he could feel his body relax.

When the bathroom water finally turned off, he stood up, attempting to look as normal as possible. Bella might need a girlfriend to talk to at this point in time, but no way was Jake going to look like he fit that role. Clearing his throat, he made his way towards the bathroom.

* * *

Bella could not believe what had just happened. Sure, she was heavy sleeper, but she had never tried to have sex while sleeping! At least, Edward had never indicated she had.

His name was no longer painful to think or say. The realization that she was meant to stay alive and be a normal warm-blooded human suddenly seemed like the best idea. She had to wonder if she was just a normal sex-crazed teenager, or if the imprint played a role in her new found feelings.

The tears continued to run down her cheeks as she thought about what had happened on the couch. Aside from her brain, every part of her being was in the background, cheering for her to jump Quil and take him up on his find-a-bush offer. He was a very attractive guy and when not talking, Bella could easily place herself by his side.

Jacob had already explained that the wolf inside was programmed to be the perfect mate. Quil would be able to anticipate her needs and follow up to the best of his ability. Likewise, as his imprint, she, too, would learn about what he liked and didn't; in the end creating a perfect match as they were obviously meant to be together.

The thing was, there wasn't supposed to be a timeline. Jake said that whatever occurred between a wolf and his mate would mutually coincide with what both partied wanted, leaving Bella to wonder, once again, if she needed to progress her sexual state from innocent to less than?

Shutting the water off, Bella dried her face, determined to at least apologize to Jake and then asking if she and Quil could maybe talk a bit more. Horny or not, she wasn't about to turn into a Rambo-slut and jump Quil the second she had a chance. Not even if the rest of her body thought it was a good idea.

* * *

Things never go as planned and neither did the conversation Bella had to have with Jake. Both of them hemmed and hawed, refusing to say exactly what had gone on and awkwardly deciding that it was done and over with. Unfortunately, Quil had chosen that moment to return, causing Bella to blush like a nun at a Penthouse convention and Quil to whisk her away back to the scene of the crime, where she once forced most of her blood supply into her cheeks and Quil sniffed her.

At least Jacob had been gentlemanly enough to turn around when Quil suddenly dipped his nose into her cleavage and traveled further south before grinning and giving her an unexpected kiss.

"This is perfect, don't you think Bella?" Quil gushed as he spread a blanket out on the warm sand. He was beyond excited to spend such a beautiful day at the beach with the girl of his dreams. Hoping she'd rip off her clothes to reveal a naughty G-string bikini.

Qwar was slightly disappointed when that didn't happen immediately, but the day was still young and hope was fantasy.

"Yes, it's fine," Bella answered.

Jacob stood off to her side and she could feel him staring at her in obvious confusion. She had told Jake that she felt uncomfortable around Quil and was happy for his presence. What she hadn't said was that she felt uncomfortably because her body always seemed to tingle in the presence of Quil and her mind objected furiously.

Quil wasn't a bad guy, nor was he unattractive. But Bella had never been the type of girl to be controlled by her hormones in the beginning of a relationship, yet presently they were quite loud.

She felt like a worm on a hook; dangling in pain and waiting for some big fish to eat her whole. On one hand, she was terrified at the thought of Quil somehow consuming her. On the other, she kind of just wanted to get it over with.

The fact that Bella had just equated having sex with fishing metaphors made her freeze, blush, shake her head and cough. Quil, sensing her sudden mood change, went over to her and bent down. Slowly he ran his nose across her check, down her throat column and back up again. Qwar, relived that she was still fit to fuck, calmed down and Quil went back to fix a corner of the blanket that had flipped over in the wind.

Having no idea why a picnic at the beach had seemed like a good starter date, Bella sat down; Quil on one side of her and Jake looming on the other side feeling awkward and out of place and not wanting to be around Quil at all.

"Did you wear a swimsuit, Bella?" Quil asked, turning over to stare hopefully at his mate. Her blush made him grin and he leaned over to casually sniff her crossed leg.

"I, uhh, didn't wear a suit today. I figured we'd just sit here and not go swimming. Is that okay?"

"That's fine, sweet pea," Quil reassured her, affectionately patting the leg he had just sniffed. "If you decide that you want to go swimming though, we still can. There's a dryer at my place and I'll bundle you up and keep you warm until your clothes are dry."

On cue, her blush came back, causing Quil to laugh heartedly before attempting to discreetly sniff.

"That's, uhh, okay, Quil. I don't think I'll want to go swimming today, but if I do, I'll let you know," Bella replied. Her breasts tingled slightly at the thought of the cold Pacific touching them, immediately followed by a hot-bodied wolf hugging her tightly and causing further tightening of her nipples.

Quil's head whipped around to face her so suddenly that Bella had to wonder if he could hear her nipples tightening. The look he had went from inquiring to the promise of something that was probably going to embarrass everyone in the state of Washington.

"I have a surprise for you," he told her, unable to stop staring at the blushing female while he stood back up.

Jacob, too, now was paying closer attention to Quil. That boy didn't have a damn thing with him and Jacob was seriously going to burst into furious furriness if Quil tried a repeat of this morning.

Not knowing how to act or what to say, Bella looked upon him blankly. She certainly hadn't expected any kind of gift from Quil and really hoped it was something simple like a can of soda.

Even the aardvarks in Africa knew better than to hope for something that easy.

Without an ounce of shame, Quil unbuttoned his shorts, thankful that he was already bare-chested so as not to hinder the view.

Qwar had been slightly against this idea, but was vetoed. He felt better now, though, considering that Bella's eyes were firmly affixed to Quil's crotch. Only good things could come of this.

As the shorts hit the sand, the only sound was Jacob's horrific gasp followed by the sound of his hand firmly planting itself into his face.

"Jesus, Quil, cover that shit up!" He cried in dismay.

Bella was a little bit torn. Undoubtedly, no straight man on the planet should own Speedos, but Quil was definitely manly enough to pull the feat off; the tiny, sky-blue scrap of cloth hiding what it needed to.

Not that what Quil had could easily be hidden, Bella thought to herself. If Quil became aroused even slightly, the skimpy wear wouldn't have a chance of keeping it in.

Satisfied that his mate was sufficiently surprised and pleased, he plopped down next to her to stare skywards.

Eventually, Bella pulled a book out of the bag she had brought and began to read while Quil gazed at the clouds, wondering if the different types were somehow a sign from above to indicate different sex positions. The one he was currently staring at definitely looked like reverse cowboy, even if it was a sore-spot with Native Americans.

"Jake, are you just going to stand there?" Quil asked, wondering if he could find a cloud that looked like the sixty-nine position. Qwar perked up at that thought and decided to help.

"No," Jake answered, relieved when Bella looked up to bestow a shy smile before returning to her novel. "I think I'm going to take a stroll and let you guys talk a bit. I won't be far," he added for Quil's benefit as the young man's smile.

Making a rather dramatic shooing gesture, Quil waited until Jacob was a way off before returning his attention back to his imprint.

"So, Bella, would you be willing to apply some tan lotion on me?" He asked, wiggling the bottle suggestively, eyebrow movement and all.

Bella dropped her book, all plot instantly forgotten as caught Quil's smirk. It was about to be the longest day she had ever spent at a beach; her tingling body parts said so!

* * *

Jacob walked for at least a half hour, occasionally turning around to make sure there were two forms sitting on the beach and neither was hurt or unconscious. Actually if Great White shark jumped shore and bit Quil, Jacob would be okay with that; Bella was his only concern.

Thoughts of a disfigured Quil could only take the man so long to fantasize about before Jake remembered that he really should be closer by. The sight of seeing Quil in those trunks though…

Jacob shuddered for the millionth time. He had no idea where Quil had come up with the idea to surprise Bella like that, but he knew she'd wait until there wasn't an audience around before revealing to Quil that his choice of dress was making her uncomfortable and to please cover back up.

The sight of a figure striding out of the water tore Jake away from his anaconda nightmare. Apparently, Sam had felt the need to send more back up and here it was: Paul.

"Paul, I need a favor," Jake asked as soon as the wolf was in close range. He didn't want to ask, but this was torture.

Flicking more water from his hair, Paul studied his pack-mate. "I don't know about that, Jake. What kind of favor could you possibly need and what do I get out of it?" smirking at the goldfish face Jake was making, Paul continued to remove excess water from himself, purposely flicking droplets towards the gaping man.

"What do you want?" Jake finally asked, closing his mouth and narrowing his eyes. Paul never did anything without a double type of payment

"Nah-uh; you first. What do you want as a favor from me?"

Jake had already known this wasn't going to go well. He didn't have much to offer, other than taking on more patrols, but if he waited too long, Paul would realize that Jake was somewhat shirking on his duty to babysit.

"Could you please go supervise Quil and Bella? I don't want to leave her alone, but I cannot handle this!"

Paul figured it had something to do with the bumbling couple but Jake's aggravation was the real surprise. "Fuck! That Swan chick better not have two of the pack members crying about their lack of jizzing. I swear, what the hell do you guys need? Should I go over there and fuck her? Then maybe you'll guys will get over yourselves and see how damn easy it!"

"Thanks, Paul, for that complete comfort and understanding sentiment," Jacob dead-panned before huffing slightly. "Never mind, I don't need anything."

"Come on, Jake! You know as well as I do that this all about sex. I don't see what the big deal is."

"The big deal is we can't just jump her. If Bella had accepted my advances, none of this would be an issue. Quil would be off crying and licking…," pausing, Jacob tried to push away those disgusting images. "Well, licking whatever, but I'd have Bells and be happy. I am happy for her if Quil is what she wants, but it's a tad difficult to be around it all the time especially when she isn't happy."

Jacob was sure this imprint would be a failure. Bella had told him countless times that he was too young and any relationship they had would be awkward. By that logic, Quil—who was the same age as Jacob -was not only an unfit candidate to date Bella, but his maturity was well below that of any one else. If sixteen was too young, than a man with the mind of a ten year old had disaster written all over it.

"You're such an emo-homo-loser, Black!" Paul snickered, enjoying the tormenting. "It's all about feelings", Paul mocked in a high-pitched voice before laughing. "Just man up and deal with it. Not every guy is lucky enough to have females fawning over them like me. You and Quil just need to cope."

Paul was not a babysitter. Hell, most of the time he wasn't even human and that wasn't counting when he was in fur form, but…

Short of a vampire invasion, no way was he about to pass up the opportunity to watch those two interact. From afar it was similar to watching Comedy Central. With a front row seat it was like trying to watch a lion fuck a lamb. One was too stupid to do anything but bleat and the other couldn't realize lion 'tabs' would never fit into lamb 'slots'. And the entire fucking metaphor was only in reference to the two barn-yard critters attempting to hold a conversation.

"I'll tell you what, Black. I'll go sit on the dumb duo while you stay here and pout. But when I figure out what an adequate payment is, you'll come through. No bullshitting or saying it isn't a fair trade. Deal?"

When Jacob reluctantly agreed a few minutes later, Paul knew he had made the deal of the century. He didn't have anything specifically in mind for Jacob, but when the time came, he would have someone else to take over whatever shitty chore Sam had.

He found them easily. Bella hunched over a book; Quil squirming around like he had Icy-Hot on his crotch (a dare that Paul loved to replay anytime the pack was phased). Jacob hadn't mentioned that Quil was out here, dressed like a fag. If he had, Paul probably would've offered to do this shit for nothing! The only way this pair could possibly be more doomed was if Bella informed Quil she was hot for the Easter Bunny.

The closer Paul got, the more easily he could smell the scent of arousal.

"Mmm, something smells toasty," Paul offered suggestively looking between Bella and Quil before sitting directly between them.

It was quite funny to watch as Bella blushed and Quil attempted to sniff over Paul. Elbow at the ready, Paul swung hard, pushing away at Quil while the two engaged in a hand battle. When Bella finally eeped in concern, both wolves stopped to stare.

"Move, Paul," Quil huffed, leaning over the surprised wolf to sniff his girl.

"Damn, Ateara," Paul commented still staring at Bella. "Does he always do that sniffer shit to you?"

"I'm getting, better, Paul. If you'll recall, however, you are an aggressive male sitting between me and my mate. Sniffing is only normal." Shrugging, Quil returned to his spot.

"Right," Paul cast out, wondering how he could convince the Swan to rub peppers or some shit on herself. Her skin would burn and Quil would go nuts, trying to sniff her, his own nostrils starting to burn somewhere in the frenzy.

"Paul?" Bella asked hesitantly, worried over his earlier comment. "Do you think Quil is getting a sun burn?"

Cackling madly, Paul could not believe the naivety from this girl. She clearly had no clue and probably couldn't even buy one for free. This afternoon was going to be priceless!

"Ignore him, Bella," Quil suggested, upset that Paul was here to ruin their date. "He meant something else by his comment. I'm not burning, though. Werewolf, remember?"

As if Bella could forget, her eyes watching Quil point to himself without her permission. When she was finally able to pull her gaze away, it was to resume reading and trying to ignore Paul who made her feel uncomfortable.

Quil also found Paul's presence discomforting and struggled to think of something they could do to get rid of him. He figured he had Jake to owe for this changing of the guards and he wasn't happy.

"Hey, Bella?" Quil finally called out over a dozing Paul. "It's a nice day out today, you wanna do something?"

"We are doing something; we're having a picnic at the beach," she answered, looking up from her novel. Wistfully she smiled towards, Quil.

"Well yeah," he agreed sitting up. "But a day at the beach for a wolf usually involves some cliff jumping. Jake mentioned you were interested in trying. You wanna do it today?"

Slowly closing her book, Bella thought about it. Initially she had asked Jake about trying it out to further test her suicidal impulses to hear a dead…deader guy speak to her. Since that fateful night at the bonfire with Quil imprinting, she hadn't spent much of any type thinking about Edward. Actually she spent most of her time convincing her body that Quil wasn't a sex-god willing to ravish her although she was probably going to have to revise that thought after this morning.

"I don't know Quil," Bella finally sighed. "It doesn't seem as exciting to me anymore."

Quil, having no idea what her initial reasons were for wanting to jump in the first place only heard that his imprint thought he was boring. Jumping up, he reached over to pick her up, determined to show her otherwise.

"Trust me, Bella, I promise it'll be exciting."

Paul woke up in time to see Quil scurrying away with a confused girl in his arms. He could barely utter his excitement over his grin as he loped after them. "Oh, man. This is so worth it!"

* * *

Jake strolled back to where Quil, Bella and Paul had the blanket spread out, deep in thought. Looking up he realized that no one was there. All the stuff was still laid out minus any human or wolf presence. Worried about a possible vamp being around, even though it was broad daylight, Jake breathed heavily hoping to gain some clue as to where everyone had gone. The wind off the ocean was fickle and while he could smell his companions, their location wasn't an easy thing to track. Looking up at the trails and paths cut into the cliff side, he finally made out his friends.

Then he began to yell as loudly as he could.

"Stop! You piece of shit! Don't you fucking do it, Quil! I swear, I'm really going to kill you this time!" Taking off at a dead run, Jake raced through the sand and up towards the trail leading to the highest cliff point.

"So, Bella, what do you think?" Quil asked nervously looking towards a smirking Paul. Now that Jake was on his way, he'd stop all the fun that could be had.

"I'm not about to interfere with this one, pup," Paul drawled out slowly to Quil. If Jake made it up here before Bella said yes or no, Quil's ass was in it for it. Hell, regardless of Bella's decision, Quil would still get a beat down.

"I don't know if I can," Bella answered hesitantly, looking over the edge as Quil walked up behind her.

"I'll help," he offered, picking her up. With a reassuring smile and no sound coming from Bella—she was truly too shocked to make a sound -Quil hurled Bella over the side before she could actually say no.

Hesitancy was just as good as a yes, as far as Quil was concerned.

Paul jumped over to the nearby edge with Quil and both watched as she found her voice and screamed shrilly before taking the impact of the water a bit harsh; the wolves cringing at the audible *smack* sound produced before the waves engulfed her.

"Daaammmmmnnn," Paul drawled out, his tongue not leaving the top of his mouth. "That's gonna leave a bruise."

"You think?" Quil asked hesitantly before shrugging it off. "Well, at least it wasn't her head," he offered hopefully, staring into the water below. "I hope Sam doesn't consider this as 'failure to protect'.

Paul just laughed. "I don't think Sam is the wolf you need to be immediately intimidated by. Sounds like Jake is going to take care of Sam's Alpha duties for him."

Nearing the top, Jake watched Bella fly through the air, scream and plummet. Clearing the peak, he watched Quil Give a little wave to him, take a step and drop over the ledge as well.

Paul barely cleared out of the way before Jake launched over the cliff as well. Unlike Bella, his slice through the water was near perfect and probably wasn't even felt.

Watching all three idiots disappear into the surf, Paul turned away to go home extremely happy in knowing that he had neither an imprint to worry about or best friends to coddle. Life was good.

When Quil hit the surface, he let gravity do its work before his natural buoyancy had him floating upwards. The cliff tides were tricky and he realized a bit too late that there were some nasty rip tides. In a move only an imprinted werewolf could perform, he allowed his imprint-sense to lead him to Bella. In Quil's not so humble opinion, it was better than LoJack and the best part was, it was free!

Jake however, felt the deadly currents as soon as he hit the water. Forcing his way back up, he checked to see if Bella had broken the surface before diving back down in search of what he was sure was his dead friend.

Both wolves reached her at the same time. Bella, who was nothing more than an inadequate human, had her eyes shut tightly, struggling against the water in search of air. When Quil grabbed her and thrust upwards, she lost what little breath she held, still in shock as to what had happened and what was holding her despite the usual body tingles.

* * *

"Oh my god, Bella! Are you okay?" Jake asked when the trio was finally back on shore, checking to see if she was at least breathing.

She had yet to speak and Quil was useless, sniffing the crap out of her inert form and whining about how he hoped this wouldn't be another setback.

"Shut the fuck up, Quil! We need to get her to the hospital; you really fucking broke her this time." Struggling in agony over the thought of Bella being hurt, Jacob rose up, hoisting her body into his arms in a steadier grip.

He didn't even try to bat away Quil who followed alongside, still grabbing limbs and sniffing while making some type of whimpering noise. They hit the beach access before Bella was able to speak again.

"Jake, I'm okay; just a little dazed. Put me down"

Jacob, who had been determinedly staring straight ahead, nearly dropped the girl in his relief. Even Quil stopped short, surprised that his imprint wasn't dead and ecstatic that she wasn't hurt.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Honey. You took a nasty fall and the shock alone could be masking pain you might start to feel at any moment."

"Jacob, I'm fine. Maybe just a bit sore, but I'll be okay."

Quil decided it was time to be a serious imprinter. Stepping in front of Jake who was still staring down at a dazed Bella, he put his hands underneath her and tugged.

"She's mine, Jacob. Give her here, I'll carry her." Expecting full and immediate compliance, Quil nearly took a step back when Jake finally focused on him.

If a person ever doubted that a demon could inhabit a human's body, the expression of Jacob's face would have made anyone an instant believer.

"You just threw her off the fucking cliff! Over my dead body will I let you touch her again. EVER!" Ignoring both Quil and Bella, Jake increased his pace from a brisk walk to a hurried jog, anxious to get Bella to a warm house where she could be looked over.

Between the weak pleas of Bella and Quil's one-third snarling, one-third whimpering and one-third sniffing behavior, it took Jake longer than he would've liked to reach the Black property. Once there, he finally allowed Bella to walk on her own, hovering directly behind her with his arms wide for support if need-be and his back blocking all attempts Quil was making to reach Bella.

When the bathroom door was firmly shut, Jake turned his demon face back to Quil.

"Do you have any idea of what you did?" He hissed in wolf volume. "Once Bella comes out, I'm taking her home. Imprint day is over!"

"Don't be such a moron, Jake. It's barely noon. I still have a good five hours to spend with her and I plan to make the most of every minute." Crossing his arms, Quil tried to appear as though he was being stoic and not sniffing the air for his imprint. Qwar was giving funny signals.

"Quil, you have two choices. You can either, leave her alone and let her go home, or I can call Sam and let you explain what just happened," Jacob threatened.

"Go ahead, call Sam. He's gonna tear you a new one before he does me, because I didn't hurt her," Quil crowed triumphantly. "You, on the other hand, were nowhere around when Bella jumped. That's worth more of an ass-whooping than engaging in an activity Bella wanted to do."

Jacob opened his mouth to dispute Quil's argument, only for both wolves to whip around when the bathroom door opened and Bella came out wearing a different set of clothes.

"Where did those come from?" Jacob asked.

"Oh, umm, Billy suggested I leave a change of clothes here since we started hanging out so much a few months ago. He let me keep them under the sink," Bella mumbled in embarrassment. Shakily she dodged the two giants, sweeping past them to curl up on the coach.

Quil was right behind her sniffing, still trying to figure out what was wrong with Qwar. He froze when she sat down and winced, her eyebrows doing a cute caterpillar Lambada dance before being forced apart.

"What's wrong, Bella?" Jacob almost yelled, pushing Quil aside to get to her. Her breathing was starting to sound funny.

"I'm just…oww," Bella cried out, rubbing at her chest where a sudden pain was forming. Her fingers didn't ease the ache though, they seemed to increase it. "I…I'm fine," she panted. "Just a little bit sore."

Neither wolf believed her, and for once, they worked together, Quil holding her arms while Jacob slowly pushed up her shirt.

"Jacob, stop! What are you…oww." Crying out again, Bella was humiliated that he was lifting her shirt. Sure she was adequately covered by her bra, but it wasn't an action your best-guy friend was supposed to be doing.

Through the increasing pain and difficulty breathing, Bella had no energy to spare in fighting off their movements. When her top was pulled all the way up, Jacob gasped in horror, nearly punching Quil in the nose when he swooped in to sniff.

Gently rolling her top back down, Jacob had no time for Quil antics.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked. She hadn't bothered to look at herself while changing in the bathroom but suddenly she wished she had.

"Bells," Jake choked out. "We need to get you to a hospital."


End file.
